One of the most commonly misunderstood aspects of parenting is also the most critical…providing children the boundaries they need to feel secure. I was reminded (again) how confusing this issue can be for all of us when I received this comment on my recent post about hitting: “Like so many others, I am struggling with … Continued
Dear Janet, As a developmental psychologist and professor, I love your website and blog. You do a great job explaining an approach to child development that is accepted by many in the academic community (at least in my area of research). One issue that has been on my mind lately is how to determine what … Continued
‘Respect’ is vital to parenting, but the word can confuse us, especially when it comes to setting limits with toddlers. Children need lots of opportunities to be autonomous and have their choices respected. At the same time, they also need to know they’re not in charge, and we demonstrate that through our confident, decisive, gentle … Continued
Encouraging kids to express their feelings would seem to be one of the simpler aspects of parenting, yes? Far from it. Our children’s tears and tantrums are messy, embarrassing and extremely challenging to listen to without being reactive. Discomfort with displays of emotion is embedded in our psyches, perhaps stemming from primitive times when crying … Continued
True story: Holly was a tentative mom, someone who avoided setting limits. Holly told me she was having an impossible time getting three-year-old Eliza to sit in her car seat. Eliza screamed and refused to cooperate. I recommended to Holly that she say, “I know you don’t want to, but you must sit in your … Continued
Write this word on your hand. It’s a magical way to connect with a child of any age, can ease tears and tantrums and even prevent them. It’s a simple but surprisingly challenging thing to do, particularly tough to remember in the heat the moment… Acknowledge. Before you tell your child that it’s time to … Continued
Hi Janet, I am 9 weeks pregnant with baby #2 and my son is now 14 months old. He is a very happy boy, but loves getting into EVERYTHING! When we say no, he has started throwing tantrums, crying, flailing himself as we try to pick him up, etc. He also pinches my face, scratches … Continued
A couple of years ago I was driving my daughter home from high school, and she shared something from her Human Development class that day. The students were asked to draw an illustration of their emotional state. “And mom,” she said, “everyone drew pictures of stacks of books and things like that. I think I’m … Continued
“You’re okay,” is repeatedly told to a child who hurts himself and does not feel okay. I would much rather give the child permission to feel the way she feels and then wait it out. Again the magic “waiting” works, because emotions have their beginning and their end — even tantrums have a beginning and … Continued
hi, janet. i’m a former actor, current Ph.D. student and mom of a 15-month-old. your website and your advice have been really inspirational as his father and i navigate early parenthood . . . mostly joyfully, although we get as tired as anyone. i thought this question might have relevance for your audience, so if … Continued
Have you ever been stunned into silence discovering that a longtime acquaintance’s parenting beliefs were radically different than yours? That happened to me recently when a woman I’ve known for several years shared what she called the “unusual” way she and her husband had handled her toddler’s numerous tantrums. She giggled as she told me … Continued
Hi Janet, I am at a bit of a loss as to how to move forward with my son. He is 26 months and has recently started saying ‘no’ to all of my requests, regardless of what they are. My husband and I try very hard to pose our responses positively, avoiding ‘no’ as much … Continued
A frustrated, exhausted mom wants to treat her 3-year-old more gently and less punitively. Ironically, the way to do that may be to become a stronger leader. The freedom we all feel deep within ourselves comes once we understand where we stand in the scheme of things – Magda Gerber Janet, On a day when … Continued
