In case you haven’t noticed, play is hot. Once taken for granted as a universal childhood right, in the last decades aggressive marketers of early learning products and a focus on standardized testing have horned in on this valuable developmental time in a child’s life.
But lately, it seems our collective appreciation for child-directed play has never been stronger, and there could be no better news for our children…or for us. The physical, cognitive, creative and psychological benefits of child-directed play are well-documented. Less acknowledged, though, is a secret that really shouldn’t be one: quietly observing our children playing is a magical experience for parents.
Learning to be a responsive play observer takes thoughtfulness, restraint and practice, but once we get this down, we’ll discover more delightful moments of joy, humor and surprise than we ever thought possible. And we need these daily parenting “bonuses” to balance the more difficult moments and break up the monotony. We’ll also get more guilt-free breaks from parenting because we’ve encouraged our children to hone their independent play skills in our presence (but that’s another post).
Essentials for nurturing child-directed play are safe, enclosed spaces and open-ended objects, equipment, and toys that encourage creativity, discovery, and extensive exploration. As a self-confessed child-directed play geek since my infant introduced me to its wonders nearly 21 years ago, my personal favorites would be too long to list here, so I’ve chosen just a few play accouterments I thought worth sharing:
I’m 100% on board with GeekDad’s brilliant “5 Best Toys of All Time”. But my list is focused on play objects that are just as inspiring and challenging, yet also durable, mouthable, don’t poke eyes, can be safely used without our supervision.
1. Best classic toy
For me, balls are it, hands down (or in the air!). Balls of all sizes, weights, and textures are fun to grasp, roll and toss. Balls encourage movement and play for children of ages and are perfect for solo or group play. I’m often asked about ideal gifts for a one-year-old, and I couldn’t imagine a better one than a large basket filled with a variety of balls. Wiffle balls have holes that help infants and toddlers grasp them. My personal favorites for toddlers are the cheap bouncy balls found in supermarkets (like the lavender one at the top right, above).
2. Favorite untoys
There are way too many favorites to list, but if I had to narrow it down to just a few, I’d definitely include stainless steel cups and bowls. They’re cool and smooth, make interesting sounds, are stackable, reflect light and look pretty in a play area. Notice how joyfully this four-month-old experiments with one of the larger bowls:
3. Most versatile for natural motor development
This step climber, which turns over to become a rocking boat, is the most pricey item on my list, but if you have a young infant (who will use this piece until age 3, at least) or can share this climber between a group of parents, it’s well worth the expense.
Safety precautions need to be taken with this equipment, and I should probably address those first:
The step climber is suitable for children of all ages beginning in infancy, but I don’t recommend turning it over until children are closer to two or experienced walkers. Either way, there should always be a mat, rug, or another soft surface underneath.
Closely supervise children on this equipment the first few times they use it and whenever it is in use by more than one child. “Spot” rather than rescue, catch or otherwise remove children from the equipment unless the child is too upset or exhausted to attempt getting down herself. (And if that’s the case, pick the child up rather than help her down, so as not to give her a false sense of her ability). Helping children with motor activities hinders their safety because it gives them the false impression they are able to jump, roll or step off of equipment independently.
One of the most common unsafe parenting practices is holding children’s hands to help them down steps. (For a story that illustrates, please read “Don’t Stand Me Up“.) Young children are impressionable and develop habits with astonishing speed. In a recent class, I was surprised to see a 14-month-old whose parents have been diligently nurturing her natural motor development take a standing step off the step climber and fall. I was glad I happened to be there to break her fall (which is the goal of spotting — it’s very important to allow the child to fall as he or she would, so she understands the effect of her action). It was obvious to me that this toddler had been walked down steps recently because she would not have taken a chance like that otherwise. The parents realized this must have happened with the substitute caregiver they’d hired for a couple of days. Through our patience and spotting during class this toddler quickly readjusted, remembering how to crawl down safely.
But enough warnings, here are some of the awesome skills children learn on the step climber and rocking boat:
Infants practice climbing and descending the steps, first by crawling up and then descending either face-first or backward (trust and spot them). Later they might descend seated on their bottoms and then, finally, they learn to step, which tends to be immediately followed by stepping down while holding the biggest toys they can find. Kids love challenging themselves.
I especially appreciate the way the rocking boat helps toddlers and preschoolers develop social intelligence as they experiment with it in conjunction with their peers. They learn to slow down their rocking to accommodate children climbing on or off, and they practice balancing together. We should be nearby with younger ones to spot, support, and prevent toes from getting caught underneath, but we’re definitely not needed to rock the boat. Children learn more and are safer when they can control it. Some of the most joyful moments of togetherness in our parent, infant, and toddler classes happen when children discover rocking with a peer. (Photographed at Resources for Infant Educarers)
4. Constructing and creating
Simple block shapes are ideal for extended child-directed play. It’s always best not to show kids how we’d build towers and structures so that they are encouraged to focus on experimenting and discovering for themselves. Our children might use the pieces to form lines, trails, or tracks or combine them in a multitude of ways with other toys and objects. As with all the gifts on this list, the possibilities are endless.
5. Dressing up and more
Generally, the rule of thumb for stretching creativity and imagination is less is more. Scraps of fabric can be all children need to create costumes and fantasy play. A chest or basket of fabric scraps and second-hand costume pieces are as fun to assemble as they are to receive, and can provide many hours of enjoyment over the years. (In “Secrets to Magical Kids’ Parties,” I shared how our collection of costume odds and ends provided hilarious entertainment for my daughter’s preteen party guests). For creative dressing-up gifts that are brand new, check out the play scarves from Sarah’s Silks and THESE lovelies from Simply Sweet Fabric. They are simple rectangles of silk that can be used as capes, skirts, picnic blankets, rivers, or streams – you name it. The yellow fabric pictured in the collage is just a sheer scarf and the Amazon link offers a bunch of colors.
6. Comfort for the audience
Child-directed play flourishes when parents are attentive observers and remain in the audience as much as possible. When we relax and stay put we provide our infants, toddlers, and preschoolers a “secure base” they can return to as needed and, let’s face it, this is much more relaxing and rewarding than following our children around all day, especially when we can floor-sit on a cozy back-jack seat. I never got around to getting one of these for myself at home, so they certainly aren’t necessary, but they’re definitely nice.
Note: these seats aren’t safe for children unless supervised.
7. Mood lifter
When I was attending RIE parent–infant classes with my first baby, a parent asked our instructor Hari if we should play music for infants and toddlers during playtime. Hari responded that children don’t need background music, but if there is music that we enjoy, we might play it.
Hari’s advice resonated, and I utilized it most during the sluggish, seemingly endless late afternoons I endured with all three of my children — that period between nap time and dinner that parents fondly refer to as “the arsenic hour”. For me, music was the antidote that seemed to lift my children’s spirits along with mine. My tastes ran from pop and rock to classical, folk, and even to music geared toward children (that I loved, too).
I realize that music choices could not be more individual and personal, but when a reader, Fiona Kelleher, introduced me to the music she has created for children, I was completely enchanted and knew I had to share it here:
The other CD I included is “You are my Little Bird” by singer-songwriter Elizabeth Mitchell, folksy beautiful music that’s kind to adults’ ears and loved by kids. Enjoy!
For many more self-directed, open-ended toy ideas, please check out my recommendations section.
I share more about fostering child-directed play in my book:
For more on toys, I recommend:
The Best Toys for Babies Don’t Do Anything by Magda Gerber
Our Thoughts on Open-Ended Toys by Mamas in the Making (and all of their other posts on play)
What is Play? by Lisa Sunbury
(Photo of girl with wiffle balls by Jude Keith Rose: email@example.com)
And a HUGE thanks to Wendy, Tamar, and Lisa (and their spouses) for allowing me to share photos of your adorable children!