Baby, Interrupted – 7 Ways To Build Your Child’s Focus And Attention Span
You’re off and writing. You’ve cracked the blank page and the keyboard’s clicking. Time melts away, as does the chirping bird, the sound of distant traffic, the tick of the clock, and the discomfort of the broken wicker desk chair you’ve been meaning to replace for months. Suddenly the doorbell jars you. It’s a neighbor friend. She snaps you out of ‘flow’, and back into reality. You love her dearly, but your concentration is broken nonetheless… Babies experience these interruptions all the time.
We don’t think twice about interrupting infants and toddlers, mostly because we don’t think to value what they are doing. At the same time, we want our children to be learners and achievers. We want them to be able to listen patiently in the classroom and have the tenacity to solve difficult problems and pursue their dreams. We want ‘paying attention’ to come naturally, learning skills to come joyfully and easily. The first years of life are formative for developing focus and concentration.
Here are 7 ways to foster a long attention span:
1) Minimal entertainment and stimulation. Babies are creatures of habit and can become accustomed to expect entertainment rather than doing what comes naturally — occupying themselves with their surroundings. Constant stimulation leads to an exhausted parent and an easily bored, over-stimulated child. Infant expert Magda Gerber taught that babies do not naturally become bored. Parents do. Babies are entranced by the way their bodies can move, and the sights, sounds, smells, nooks and crannies of life that we adults take for granted. They need uninterrupted time to experience those things and assimilate them.
2) No TV or videos. TV and videos are the most drastic way to undermine your child’s developing attention span because they engage and overwhelm a child’s attention rather than encouraging the child to actively flex his focus muscle. Imagine the powerful pull of the TV screen in a restaurant. You can be sitting with the most fascinating people in the world, and still you find your eyes drawn to the damn TV. (For an in-depth study on the TV issue, I highly recommend Endangered Minds: Why Children Don’t Think - And What We Can Do About It, by Jane M. Healy, Ph.D.)
3) A safe, cozy “YES” place. In order to remain occupied for extended periods of time, a baby must have a safe place. This can begin with a bassinet or crib, and grow with the baby to be a playpen, and finally a cordoned-off or gated play area. A too large area where there are unsafe objects available to a child is not the relaxed environment the baby needs for extensive concentration. Babies cannot play for long periods of time when they are distracted by the tension of parents worried about safety and the interruption of “NOs”.
4) Simple, open-ended toys and objects. Unless distracted, babies are inclined to examine every inch of a simple object, like the pattern on a cloth napkin, and then experiment, i.e. wave it, mouth it, place it over their faces, and scrunch it into a ball. They are apt to tire of, or become over-stimulated by objects that they either cannot comprehend (like rattles and other mysterious noisemakers) or toys that they passively watch, listen to, and have a single function: like musical mobiles or wind-up toys. Those toys grab the child’s attention rather than strengthening his ability to actively focus and investigate, similar to the way TV and videos do.
5) Observe. And don’t interrupt. Observing the way our babies choose to spend their time makes us realize that they are not just lying there, but actually doing something. That something might be gazing towards a window, at the ceiling fan, or grasping at dust particles in the sunlight. Every time we interrupt our baby’s musings we discourage his concentration. When we observe we can see when there is a break in the action, i.e. the baby averts his gaze from the wiffle ball he was prodding with his fingers and turns to look at us. We can then ask to pick him up for a diaper change without diverting his attention and interfering with his train of thought.
6) Baby gets to choose. Simple fact: children are more interested in the things they choose than the things we choose for them. Therefore, allowing a baby to choose what to do in his play environment rather than directing him to our choice of activity (a learning game, puzzle or flash card) will better engage his interest, focus and heightened concentration. Children who are given plenty of opportunities to focus for extended periods of time on activities they choose are better able to pay attention in situations later (like school) where activities are adult-prescribed.
7) Don’t encourage distraction. It is common practice to distract a baby with a toy on the changing table to “get the job done.” But this trains babies to NOT pay attention. Diaper changes, baths, and feedings are not dull, unpleasant chores for babies. Babies are interested in all aspects of their lives. They want to be included in each step of a task that involves them and be invited to participate as much as they are able. When we teach a baby that he should not pay attention to activities he’s an integral part of, how do we then expect him to develop a healthy attention span?
The ability to spend extended periods of time delving deeply, seeking greater understanding of an object or situation, can be developed and strengthened like a muscle. I don’t pretend to be a PhD, but common sense tells me that a home environment conducive to focus and attention can have a positive impact on – and maybe even prevent — some attention deficit disorders.
Focus is power. A long attention span is essential for creative, athletic and academic achievement. Attentive listeners make the best friends, spouses and parents.
So next time you check on your baby, tiptoe in and peek before saying, “Hello.” Babies relish their “flow” time, too.
The video below (also posted in Infant Play – Great Minds At Work) demonstrates the positive effect that uninterrupted infant play can have on a child’s focus and attention span at age 2.
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Great information, thank you! What is your opinion on background music (for say, a 1 yr old) while they play independently? Classical, children’s music, nature sounds, etc.
Hi Kari!
Thanks! Music is wonderful for children, especially if it’s music you enjoy, too, but babies don’t need it . I wrote a post awhile back: In Tune (Ditching Baby Music Class) about babies and music education.
I’ve found that when I was trying to get through a car ride or the late afternoon doldrums and wanted to entertain a baby or toddler, music or stories on CD were a much more ‘brain active’ choice than TV and videos. With stories on CD the child is able to engage in active listening and create mental images. They are much less scary for children than movies are, and they don’t desensitize.
What a fantastic post!
Flow is actually great for more than developing attention span.
According Mihaly Csicszentmihalyi (the author of Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience) “People who learn to control inner experience will be able to determine the quality of their lives.”
His research indicates that flow is a far greater predictor of happiness, self-confidence, and well-being than money or status.
Flow has a very interesting duality:
On the one hand, there is an experience of becoming entirely absorbed in an
activity – to the point of losing yourself in it. On the other hand
you tend to come out of the flow experience with a stronger sense of
who you are. That is… provided that you aren’t jarred out of it!
When people experience flow consistently during a particular activity, there is also a natural spiral of ever-increasing challenge and skill level. This develops skills much faster than during traditional training and education. (See “Talent is Overrated” for a fabulous discussion about the role of deliberate practice in skill acquisition.)
The RIE tenets of not interrupting, allowing infants and toddlers the opportunity to solve their own puzzles and challenges, as well as providing ample opportunity to explore independently are (in my opinion) key to experiencing flow consistently.
Works for adults, too… though some adults need some help realizing that they can actually solve their own problems!
Hi Olivia!
Wow, thanks for contributing this! This is brilliant. I’ve been wanting to read Csicszentmihalyi’s book for ages. I’m going to link it here for anyone besides me who wants to learn more about flow: Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience. (This is more information, not the place to order the book.)
One thing I recognize (and others recognize) in the children I have known that were raised with the RIE principles is a very strong sense of self. Interesting that it might be due to the opportunity to experience plenty of flow.
Hi Janet,
I enjoyed your article. My question is from a different perspective. I don’t have kids, but I watch my nephew 3-5 days a week. He’s 4 and has the attention span of a gnat. When I’m doing things, I get really focused. So, his inattention drives me crazy, mainly because I don’t understand it.
What can I do to help him improve his attention span since it’s nearly non-existent already? I’ve already cut back the amount of TV he watches while I’m with him and don’t let him eat candy. Since he’s not mine, though, I can’t control what his parents allow.
Thanks!
Maggie
Hi Maggie!
I have a question for you first. What does he like to do? I realize that you probably aren’t able to spend the whole time you are with him at his disposal, but are you able to give him an hour (or a half hour) when he gets to choose what you do together?
I would make a deal with him. He gets to choose what you do together for awhile, then you have to do your work and he chooses something to do alone. Make it clear to him that anything he wants to do is okay with you when you are giving him ‘his’ time, as long as it is safe and possible. Tell him it can be the silliest thing in the world, even just sitting there together staring, anything. Don’t answer the phone or do anything else during his time. Don’t have any agenda or expectation. Let him lead. Maybe you’ll just end up being the audience to something he wants to do. Pay attention.
If he bothers you while you are busy later, don’t get annoyed or take it personally. Just calmly, but firmly say, “I know you want my attention, but I’m busy now. We will have our time together later.” Let him badger you, scream, howl, whatever, but stay firm.
Giving 100% attention to a child for a limited period of time (Magda Gerber called this “wants nothing quality time”) provides the refueling a child needs to spend time independently. This is true for infants, too. You probably can’t extend his ability to focus and concentrate with the amount of time you have together, but you can make the time you share pleasant, fulfilling and memorable.
Another thought, don’t multi-task when you are together. Be a model of focus. Eat facing each other, not in front of TV or while you are doing other things. Do one thing at a time. When you are giving him ‘his’ time, really be with him.
Please keep me posted!
Janet
I am following you on twitter and happened to click on this post. You have such an engaging style and the website is so useful. I have a 4 month old and a five year old and I have picked up some valuable tips. Many thanks.
Riya Agnihotri
Hi Riya,
Thanks so much! I am glad you have found some useful information here. Thanks for your support on Twitter, too!
Hi Janet,
Thanks so much for all the valuable information on your website. I’m very glad I know this blog because I learn a lot from it.
It happened a couple of months ago that I buyd ‘Little Reader’ and ‘Little Math’ of the Brillkids website. I wanted to start math and reading with my son. Later on I got on your website and I read that it’s not good to do that. The programs were very expensive and I wouldnt like to not using them at all. What is your advice?
Hi Rose,
Thanks for your kind words. I’m so glad the site appeals to your instincts and is helping you.
I’m not familiar with what the early learning programs you mention contain, but if they are videos, reading materials, and flashcards, they might be enjoyable for your son to use in his own way when he is older, like 4 or 5. I still wouldn’t use them with an agenda to ‘teach’, but just have them available him to peruse on his own during some ‘down’ time.
I can promise you that you will never regret trusting your boy to spend his first years learning through self-initiated play!
Thanks for your quick answer Janet!
Hmm. Wait until he’s 4 or 5 years? For the math thing the whole idea of doing it now is because baby’s until 2.5 years are able to perceive true quantity and that makes it much easier for them to learn math.. and when i look at myself how terrible I am at math i dont want to him to miss this oppurtunity..
I like the idea of taking the middle path; to learn him what will benefit him if he learns it at an early age and for the rest to leave him alone on the floor to examin the things he’s interested in himself.
Do you have any tips I should bare in mind to not effect his attention span negativally?
(i hope you understand me well, my english is not very good)
Thanks,
Rose
Rose,
My answer got so long that I’ve decided to make it into a post! It should be up this week… Thanks for your patience and the good question.
Here’s my response: http://www.janetlansbury.com/2010/06/how-to-help-your-baby-become-a-math-genius-or-not/ (added to this comment 6/12/10)
Thanks Janet, i’m looking forward to it!
Great post, thread, and ideas! After I wrote Writing in Flow, and then Loving in Flow, I have begun a groupie of flow in all things. Readers here might enjoy my posts about raising creative kids (about how to get more flow in their lives) at http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/creating-in-flow/200911/creative-kids-learn-flow-part-1.
(I meant “become” not begun.)
Hi Susan!
I’m so glad you checked in here and shared your blog…what a wonderful resource! I’m a little disappointed that you meant “become” because I was going to join your “groupie”. Instead, I’ll be one of your groupies!
Thanks again, I’m looking forward to reading all of your articles.
Great post…this confirms a lot of things for me that I already do with my 10-month-old. However, I have always wondered how much attention is “too much” attention. I have a curious, active but quiet little guy…with no TV on at home when he’s awake, the silence tends to get a little unsettling. My family “accuses” me of trying to entertain him too much and always talking to him…really it’s because I find silence uncomfortable, so I feel obligated to fill it. How much should I be talking to my baby, and how much should I just let him do his own thing? In fact, I talk to him so much that he’s starting to not pay attention to me now…
Kimberly, I congratulate you for keeping the TV off while your boy is awake, and I realize that too much quiet can be disconcerting to some people (although I could never get enough quiet time!) I also appreciate the way you understand that your need for sound is yours, not your baby’s.:-)
The best way to know when a baby needs our attention and to avoid interrupting him is to wait for him to look at us. If he seems focused on something, try to let him be. But when he stops and looks at you, quietly acknowledge whatever he is doing, i.e., “I see you turning that ball around and around.”
If we give a gentle and minimal response, he is more likely to resume playing, exploring, etc. It’s hard, but so healthy to trust that what a baby does on his own is “enough”. Someday, you will probably look back in longing for these quiet times just “being” together.
And if you’re really craving some sound, how about soft music?
Thanks, Janet, for your timely response. I will definitely try some music. I guess part of my problem, too, is worrying that if I leave him to his own devices too much, he won’t learn how to interact with others or seek communicative opportunities. He is already very quiet, although very curious and wants to explore and touch everything. I guess you have have to pick and choose times to be interactive and times to just let them be, huh? I am a first-time mom. Thanks for indulging my questions.
Kimberly, I love your questions! And what I’ve learned is that when you interact with a baby 100 % during feedings, baths and diaper changes…talking him through each step, asking for his cooperation and assistance…you can definitely trust him to let you know when he needs further interaction, because he will initiate it. Playing quietly…exploration and curiousity are terrific traits and abilities that we can encourage by staying out of the way.
I am new to this website but love the posts I have read. I have a 19-month old daughter and have encouraged her to explore her world as much as possible. She is a terrific, inquisitive, friendly, creative little girl. *However*, up until now I have almost always explored alongside her – helping her when she gets frustrated, showing her new things to do with toys, narrating her excitement at discovering something new.
So: how do you (as a parent) avoid getting bored if you are neither playing with her nor interpreting things for her (nor playing on your own cellphone/reading your own magazine/etc.)? I just can’t see myself sitting next to her for hours at a time *watching*…!
(Full disclosure: I work out of the home, full-time, and am used to constantly being busy. And I am also used to never feeling that I have enough hours in a day. Which, of course, may contribute to my fear of “boredom” if I am “just watching.” But still — I would appreciate any hints/mental reframing you can offer!)
Thanks in advance, and I’m thrilled to have found this blog -
Thanks so much for reading the blog.
First of all, I think the excitement you feel when you share time with your daughter is wonderful for both of you. You obviously enjoy each other’s company…a gift.
I think you will find it more interesting than you realize to take a tiny step back and be more responsive sometimes. I know this is more challenging for parents who are used to being “doers” (and my full disclosure is that my personality lends itself to watching, but I work with a lot of mothers who are “doers” and find it more challenging than I do to stay out of the way. And, still I find it challenging). The less you do, the more your daughter will do. You will likely be surprised by her ingenuity, creativity, tenacity and problem solving abilities.
I CANNOT TELL YOU HOW MANY TIMES I stifled a very strong urge to show a baby how a toy works, add something to make her play “better”, or point something out to her that she might have missed, and I was so glad that I DIDN’T, because what the child did was always so much more interesting!
Example: An young toddler in one of my classes was using one of those puzzles with the little handles. She took the pieces out and…of course we all were thinking she should fit them back in…maybe she needed us to show her how. But instead of putting them back in, she balanced them, one on top of the other…4 of them! I had never seen that before and never would have thought it possible!
Please know that I am not suggesting that you watch your daughter play for hours! The beauty of allowing her more independence when she plays is that you do NOT have to entertain her. You can sit near her, or in the next room with your book, magazine, cellphone, making dinner, etc., and enjoy time being near each other, both of you busy, or just relaxing. If she is used to you being involved with her when she plays, it will take a bit of adjustment. I have a post in response to a mother dealing with that issue: http://www.janetlansbury.com/2009/11/becoming-unglued/
Infant expert Magda Gerber always said, “The magic word is WAIT” When you want to help her figure out her toys, or solve any problem for her…try to WAIT and give her the opportunity to do it for herself.
Please let me know how it goes, and any questions are always welcome.:-)
Wow, I am so impressed with this video blog. I try to impress on moms that kids do not need ALL the toys they are given. It is clearly over-stimulation. I want them to look at their motivation for all the stuff.
Bravo.
Sally, thanks! Yes, babies are extremely sensitive, easily overstimulated, and often underestimated!
Hi Janet,
I came across your blog today and have been reading many of your articles. They are fantastic!
I was just writing today about my challenges with free play (http://www.activemama.com/2010/11/04/encouraging-free-play/). My son, since the get go, was very fussy. Colic. He would cry if left on his back for more than a minute or two. He was a poor sleeper at the time, but definitely was not ready for a nap as soon as he woke up! As a result, we were always changing activities to keep him ‘entertained’ until his next nap.
He is, on the bright side, very social. If he’s out of the house, he’ll smile and engage with all the people around him. As an infant, just taking him to somewhere with other people was enough to keep him happy. Though we had lots of free-play toys at home, and I try to let him ‘be’, he still escalates his displeasure after about an hour at home and always bops from one activity to the next – exploring the house, different toys, etc. Is his play area too big? Most of his toys are in bins, so not much is ‘out’ to distract him (I think).
Also, how do you balance teaching them the words for things while also letting them free play with those things? For example, were Aiden to hold up a block, I would tell him “that’s a block” sometimes… is that distracting him?
Thanks!!
Hi Arieanna,
Thanks for your kind compliments! I read your post to get a little more background…you have wonderful instincts! I wasn’t able to find info about the age of your son as I’d hoped to, but I have a few thoughts…
Colic is a problem I dealt with, too, with my third child, but it was mostly an issue at night. In the early weeks and months babies may not be able to spend long periods of time on their backs…that’s okay! Just keep trying for short periods and remember not to interrupt when the baby is engaged on his own. Magda Gerber taught parents that we exacerbate colic by adding more stimulation. I found it best to just hold my son, comfort him and allow him to cry sometimes, rather than entertain or distract him.
Playing uninterrupted for an hour is a long time! However, if he’s flitting around, the play environment might be too overwhelming. Toys in bins are fine — it’s nice for him to know where certain toys are, but having run of the entire house is probably too much space… even for a two year old. Too much choice can be distracting.
The key to knowing when to respond to Aiden without distracting him is exactly what you describe — waiting for him to look at you. When he looks at you, respond with a full sentence, i.e., “You’re showing me that red block.” That is the best, most natural way to teach to language, meaningfully and in context.
What you’re doing sounds good!
Thanks Janet! Aiden just turned a year old. For the most part, he does play well on his own, but he gets very tired of a single environment.
When I mention an hour, I mean an environment. He will play on his own for 20 minute bursts sometimes, but less as he gets tired. But an hour is pretty much all he’ll tolerate of a single space – be that our house, a playgroup or a playdate. I move him from place to place during the day.
For example, our day consists of wake, home play, nap, cafe for a snack (he hates staying home the instant he wakes from this nap), playgroup, home for lunch/play/nap, out again to do errands, play until 1.5 hours before bed when we again return home. It can be, as you see, hard to fill up our day. Days when we try to keep him at home longer simply involve lots of whining and crying on his part. Always have. I don’t know any other baby quite like this – and we know a LOT of other babies thanks to his social nature!
Hmmmm! I love that you are so accomodating to your boy, but don’t forget that it’s your day, too. Don’t be afraid of the whining and crying. He may be overtired, or he may just need to whine and cry. Accept it. Don’t try to distract him or ‘please’ him when it is inconvenient for you. That’s not good for anybody because it can create resentments. Aiden doesn’t need to love every aspect of his day and his social skills won’t disappear if he doesn’t get what he wants. Just my thoughts…please take them or leave them!
Arienna
My 9 month old is similar. She seems to get bored or even dislike being at home. The second I step outside the door she’s relaxed,looks around etc. We only go to Baby Groups twice a week and meet other mums and babes in a cafe on a Monday so the rest of the time it’s just us and I tend to just walk around the park/town.
Nev
Hi Janet,
My daughter is 5 years old and she clings on to me for everything. She doesn’t want to do any activity without me on her side and she treats me like a play date/friend. I find it very difficult to keep her busy all day and sometimes for 10-15 minutes she does a pretend play on her own. I also feel that she does not listen/pay attention because i am teaching her to read and she cannot repeat the words on her own after i tell her once or twice. Do i need to worry about my daughter’s future? What can i do to keep her busy without she needing me all the time. What can i do to get her to pay attention and build focus.
Hi PC,
This situation often happens with a first child — we feel it is our duty to keep our child busy and by doing so create a dependency. The good news it that children are adaptable. You can wean your daughter off of her dependency on you for entertainment if you make a concerted effort, use all the confidence you can muster, and allow her a little discomfort as she adjusts to the changes you make. Here’s a post about encouraging independent play in an older toddler that applies to your situation: http://www.janetlansbury.com/2010/08/solo-engagement-fostering-your-toddlers-independent-play/
One of the wonders of independent play is that it teaches a child to pay attention. Young children focus far longer on activities they create and choose themselves, and the practice they gain helps them to pay attention to adult directed activities as they get older.
Reading is usually learned easily by a typical chilld when we wait for readiness. My guess is that your daughter is either not developmentally ready to read or she is just feeling the need to resist your agenda for her. It may be a little of both. Either way, I suggest skipping the teaching for the time being, especially if you want her to learn to play more independently. She might need to feel more of your trust in her to choose her own activities while you make this transition.
Hi Janet,
Thanks for your response. My daughter doesn’t like to do any activity on her own. She doesn’t seem to be interested in any activity at all whether its playing with her toys or drawing or doing a puzzle or reading. She just sits idle for most of the time unless i sit with her to do an activity and thats why i end up choosing activitities for her. Is it normal for a 5 year old child to behave like this. Even if i try setting up something for her to do on her own, she never does it for more than 2 minutes and i feel frustrated. I am looking for tips/strategies which i can put to use with her so that she can show interest in things and choose her activities. Do you have any suggestions?
Thanks
PC
Hi PC! This is sounding like it might be a pattern of resistance. I have the feeling that as soon as you can be completely content with your daughter’s idleness (time in which she may be imagining, daydreaming and very mentally productive, actually), she’ll become more interested in initiating activities. Does she go to any kind of school? If so, then I would definitely trust that she needs lots of downtime at home — time when she does ‘nothing’. Either way, trusting her is the key. Let her play time be hers to do as much or as little as she wishes. Let whatever she does be enough… I think it will make a difference when she feels absolutely no pressure from you and doesn’t feel like you are worried. If you decide to try this, please let me know how it works out. Thank you!
Hi! Just came across your website today and I’m loving it! I’ve already referred 5 other people. My husband and I are expecting our first baby early this summer so it’s nice to be learning this stuff now as opposed to later.
Looking forward to more fantastic articles and videos!
Wow, thanks!
This is great and it makes me feel better about often sitting in silence while she is playing and I’m reading/surfing.
Nev
Hi Janet, I cam across one of your blog posts posted on facebook via parent2parentu. I loved the article and the way you write. I’ve just read a couple more and I want to spend all day reading every blog you’ve ever written! I’m a new Mum with a 7 week old and with so much to learn and wanting to do the best for my baby, I’ve found lots of contradictory information. I started to read Gina Ford contented baby book during the last weeks of pregnancy and I’ll be honest it shook me up. The book ended up in the bin. Thank you for sharing such vital information for parents and writing in such a way that makes me want to carefully read every word you’ve written and take on board your views. I’m so much wiser having read this article and the others, (especially the breastfeeding one and bonding, there are times when I’m doing something else, looking at my phone, reading, now I know the importance of bonding by NOT doing other stuff, I’ll definitely be focusing all my attention on my baba). Thank you again, I really look forward to your posts dropping into my inbox. BTW a blog hasn’t grabbed me as much as yours has EVER! x
Fabulous blog. I found you through a link on facebook last night and am just absorbing all this great information which naturally gels with a lot of my own instincts (which I used to ignore) and what I’ve learned from Dr. James MacDonald in his method of helping late-talking children (www.jamesdmacdonald.org for more info on Communicating Partners).
My son is chronologically 6 but developmentally all scattered from 2 up.
I’m wondering about interruption….I feel as though I’m constantly interrupting him to give him medicines (only twice a day unless he’s sick but these are oral meds and nasal sprays that cannot all be administered at once), take him to the bathroom for pottying, get him dressed etc etc….
After finding your blog last night, my husband and I talked it over and agreed that we will be more focused and single minded when doing these “must” tasks with Jack so they will be times of connection and learning…..I don’t even know what I’m asking….I guess is it okay to interrupt for these “must”. Did I just answer my own question?
Do I need to restrict Jack to a smaller play area? Our house is Jack-proof so that he can go all over and be safe.
I appreciate what you are doing here and hope you have a minute to respond.
Marie, thank you so much for you kind words and wonderful questions. Regarding interruption, yes, just be aware. Sometimes it isn’t an emergency and we can wait for the child to finish focusing on his activity. Choose your battles/interruptions. Yes, great to keep the tasks a focused time together for connection and learning. Yes, of course it’s OK to interrupt for “musts”. It’s just those “not so musts” to take another look at.
Regarding the size of the play area, I think a large area for a boy Jack’s age is fine. But keep in mind that children of all ages enjoy a cozy area within a larger space. My son (9) still loves making forts using blankets secured between the sofa, table and chairs in our
great room/playroom. Younger children enjoy little covered areas, or just designated spaces like an inflatable wading pool indoors (without the water) filled with cushions, stuffed animals, balls, a basket of books nearby, etc.
Hi,
I have twin girls and one is very attentive and understands to bend, pick up and move an object that hinders her from walking or getting to anything else that she wants at that time, when she is putting shapes in holes or doing puzzles she takes her time, thinks about it and carfully places pieces where hey should, not becoming easily frustrated- life is safer and easier so far this way.
The other one just goes for it and just walks/runs over books, toys, etc. tripping and sliding, when she does a puzzle it takes her a matter of seconds to become frustrated, making a screaming noise, she asks for help immediently without trying and if I don’t give it to her she is likly to chuck the toy else where and walk away. To grab something not within reach she will struggle and trip over things for it. It just seems so much harder and maybe this is because it is in comparison to her sister. I love how rambuctious and clumsy she is, it can be entertaining and cute but I am worried she won’t grow out of it and struggle through life- which some people just do but if I can make it easier I would like to.
Originally I thought my question was “How to increase my daughters attention span” but I guess it is “How do I get my daughter to pay attention?”
I love what you write and agree with so much of it so hopfully you can offer some tips.
Just found your site and this article. I absolutely love all the information. We already practice a lot of what you recommend in the article but it is great to see it all in one place. We usually give our son a toy or something else to play with while changing his diaper and after reading this I will avoid it and let him see/concentrate on what we are doing
I will definitively share this article on my Facebook page. Thanks for posting!
After I have read your post, i make sure that I don’t interrupt my son when he is playing or doing something on his own. I also told my husband not to interrupt him so that he can focus or pay attention on what he is doing.Hopefully later at school he can pay attention to what he will learn.
Thank you Janet.
Hi Janet, great article. Quick question (hopefully).
We have a 4 month old, she is fantastic. Sometimes she will cry and get upset during specific tasks, such as changing a diaper.
My question is, what is the best way to deal with her crying as usually I have tried to distract her with smiles or faces that make her laugh, or even toys.
Should I be going about this another way and only pull faces, etc, when she is focusing on me?
Thanks, Patrick.
Hi Patrick! The playfulness is wonderful, but don’t lose the honest interaction. If she’s crying, acknowledge that she’s upset and talk her through what you are doing. If she seems especially upset and uncomfortable, tell her that you will take a little a break and then pick her up and hold her (if it isn’t a mess moment), until she calms down. Often, slowing down and staying present in the experience, inviting your daughter to participate is the key to diaper changes being a far more pleasant, relationship building experience. This is counter-intuitive for most of us.. When our babies seem uncomfortable we want to speed up! But babies want to be included in their life…not have things done to them. Connecting with our children during tasks like diaper changes, also encourages them to be focused and attentive.
Here’s a post all about diaper changes: http://www.janetlansbury.com/2010/05/how-to-love-a-diaper-change/
Wonderful Janet, fantastic and that is exactly what we needed. Cheers
Cheers!
This was a great article. For over 40 years I have been helping parents around the world learn to observe and protect their child’s concentration and “flow” and appreciate the resulting peace and happiness. Video clips here give parents ideas of just how valuable this work of the child is: http://www.michaelolaf.net/BirthtoThreeDevelopment.html
Hello Janet,
Thank you for your blog. I came across it quite by accident in my search for ways to stimulate/develop my 5 month old’s mind. I’ve read almost every book on infant/child development, and of them, I go back to Super Baby and Brain Rules for Baby time and time again. I’d like to get your input on DVD programs like Brillkids (little reader program) and Your Baby Can Read. Many child experts agree that T.V. and education DVDs actually hinder a baby’s progress — and I agree with them — but I am also torn as to whether I am providing enough on a day-to-day basis and fear I may not be maximizing his full potential at this critical stage.
Thanks, Janet, and please keep up the wonderful work you are doing for so many parents!
Hello Janet,
I have a 13 month old son and i found your articles very useful and inspirational.
Until he was about 8 months old, i have always tried to entertain my boy. I was even streessed about whether i was keeping him busy and entertaining him enough. When he was about 8 months old, we made a quite big gated play area for him. He was playing happily by himself there. However, since he’s about 11 months old, he only wants to stay there when there is me, his father or another adult play mate is there. Otherwise, he just stands up holding the barrier, crying or shouting to us. I tell him softly thatt he can play by himself etc. but he just doesn’t want to. What do you suggest? Is his age already too old for a gates play area? (ours is 6 x 8 ft.)