Set Me Free – Unrestricted Babies (And Equipment They Don’t Need)
Many months after becoming a mom I realized a shocking truth: we don’t need to buy every contraption on display at the baby super store! I had fallen into the trap of believing I needed all the technology that was available. I naively assumed that these products must be in stores because they were helpful and necessary, and no one had advised me to do otherwise.
‘Luckily,’ I found hand-me-downs from family and friends, and so I was well-equipped with a bouncy seat, electric swing, and a couple of C-shaped pillows in which you can place the baby in a sitting position. If I had added walkers, jumpers and baby saucers, my gizmo inventory would have been complete.
Later I learned that the real requirements for a newborn are a crib, bassinet or co-sleeper, a car seat, carrier (and/or stroller), a changing table, and doorway gates — so that safe play areas can be created. Playpens make life with a young infant easier, especially if you can buy or borrow two, and have one outside also. The other stuff is not only a waste of money, but can even be detrimental to a baby’s development.
If a voice of reason could be heard through the din of marketing, consumerism and peer pressure, all of which prey upon a new parent’s self-doubt, it would say: “What did babies do before all this gadgetry existed? Did babies walk before there were walkers, jump before there were jumpers? Were children long ago deficient, unintelligent, physically awkward, slower and less capable? Were they less loved?”
Similarly, we can ask whether today’s high-technology for babies gives parents more free time. My sense is that they do not. In fact, when we place an infant in constrictive apparatuses or parent-controlled positions, we can create a habit of dependency that can later undermine our quest for free time. The baby who gets used to being situated by adults is inclined to continue to require adult attention, instead of developing the joyful habit of independent play.
An infant can move most freely when he is placed on his back. Some doctors suggest ‘tummy time’ for an infant as young as one or two months old. But infant expert Magda Gerber and her mentor, pediatrician Emmi Pikler, believed that infants should be trusted to ‘discover’ the tummy position when ready, without our assistance.
Here’s an experiment: lie on your belly and then lie on your back; compare the two positions with respect to comfort and mobility. Now imagine you have limited upper body and neck strength and can barely lift your head. Do you feel stuck? An infant placed on his back in a safe place can see all around him, stretch, arch his back, move his limbs freely, examine his hands and feet, even find his thumb and self-soothe. Our body functions best when we are free to move. I found evidence of this fact when I visited a friend and her son.
Cheryl’s four-month-old boy spent most of his waking hours in a bouncy seat, a seat that elevates his back to an almost vertical angle and secures the baby by a T-strap at the bottom of the chair. I used a bouncy seat with my first baby, too, and would never dream of mentioning possible ’downsides’ of using the seat to Cheryl. Even if she asked, I’d be hesitant to say something that might sound judgmental. Most of us are extremely sensitive to perceived criticism as new parents (now how would I know that?)
But when Cheryl shared her worries about her son’s constipation, I had to bite my tongue. I couldn’t stop thinking that if I was unnecessarily stuck in that seat all day, unable to stretch or move without feeling myself slip down the seat, I’d be ‘irregular’ too!
There are not only physical, but also possible emotional consequences when a baby is strapped into a seat or propped up. As infant expert Magda Gerber cautioned, “Every time we put an infant in a position she cannot change all by herself, we deprive her from moving freely. So she feels passive, helpless, and less confident.”
Doctors often advise parents to place an infant in a sitting position when he is six months old. However, just as a baby rolls when he is ready, a baby also finds his own ability to move from a horizontal position on the floor to sitting upright when he is able. When the child achieves this position naturally he can smoothly transition himself back into a horizontal position for mobilization when he wishes.
Doctor’s ‘checklists’ neglect to acknowledge the wide range of normal motor development, and often breed parental fear and doubt. Worry that our child will ‘fall behind’ is one of the reasons we all find it difficult to resist the temptation to place our baby in a sitting position or hold him up to stand. Another is that adults see the world from an upright position, and we perceive it as preferable to a horizontal view. Our child may seem to like it, especially when that is what he’s used to. (He might also like to devour a giant hot fudge sundae, but that doesn’t mean we’d give him one! )
Parenting is sometimes looking beyond the moment, the week, or even the month to establish healthy habits that serve our child best in the long term. Encouraging natural gross motor development is worth the effort.
If our infant is accustomed to us placing him in a sitting position, then he may become less willing to attempt his own positions independently. Rather than enjoying all he can do, he gets in the habit of expecting the parent to intercede. This was the dynamic I observed between Robert and Shelly.
Seven-month-old Robert cried while lying on the floor until his mother, Shelley, placed him in a sitting position. I had been trying unsuccessfully for weeks to encourage Shelly to allow Robert more time on his back. A few times, we’d seen him roll to his stomach and began to scoot forward. But, even though his mobility was completely hampered while sitting, he now wanted to do what he was used to doing, or perhaps he wanted to do what he thought his mother expected. Instead, he lost his balance, fell and cried again. Robert’s helplessness was reinforced by his mom’s well-meaning actions.
When our infants are free to develop motor abilities without artificial aid or the restriction of baby apparatuses, they progress independently and confidently in their own unique way. The biggest challenge for parents is also one of the biggest gifts we can bestow on a child: waiting for readiness.
“At RIE we believe that the infant should be able to move and explore freely, to choose and change his own body position, to come and go as he wants — within the safe and challenging environment we create.” – Magda Gerber, Dear Parent – Caring For Infants With Respect
Please register your e-mail so I can alert you to new posts. Or follow me on Facebook or Twitter.
I LOVE your comments and questions. Please add them here...
12 Responses to “Set Me Free – Unrestricted Babies (And Equipment They Don’t Need)”
Leave a Reply
Email me
Follow me on Twitter!
Join my Facebook Fan Page
RSS Feed
Secrets Of Infant Learning was chosen by voters as the third Most Influential Blog Post in 2011. Thanks for your support!
Hi Janet…
i would love to start applying more of the philosophies taught at RIE as a parent….but since i do not have classes to take in my area i have to read about it……
so i have some questions…
1. how can i get a 6 month old used to being on his back more….?….he is definitely a baby who enjoys being in the lap more….hes a constant kicker and wants to be active…anytime anyone picks him up he starts jumping up and down without help or kicking the air, people, objects…..consequently his bottom half is very strong…but i am not sure about his upper half….he rolls over both ways and started this very young but will not stay on his tummy long enough to push up and play…….he can sit up for the most part….and now i believe prefers this position…. but i dont feel comfortable with placing him sitting up after witnessing him falling backwards onto his head….”The Little Gym” seems to think this is ok…i do not….
2. are you/Gerber really saying to leave a baby on his back ALL of the time….?…
this doesnt seem instinctively right to me either..so please clarify..it would seem like too much of anything is not a good thing….
our day usually goes as follows:
7am: benjamin wakes up for morning feeding….then plays in the bed for 45 mins to an hour while i sleep a little longer
8:30: he plays in his kickin coaster in the kitchen will i make and eat breakfast
9: he plays either lying down outside or either floor time or play from my lap inside depending on his mood…
10/11: morning nap
after his morning nap “routine” goes out the window and everything is usually a blur to me….sometimes i can get him to play some more on the floor after his morning nap (45 mins at the most)….most of the times not….he still not really into reading books unless he is sleepy…so this is usually when i run errands or just get out of the house for a stroll or something…just because i feel guilty when we stay inside and he gets fussy…i am not sure if i am doing what is necessary for him to be stimulated….also staying inside crates a depressed state for me because i become insanely aware of all the work that i am not able to do piling up……
he usually takes another nap before we start winding down for bed….
so if baby is supposed to be lying down for more than 50% of the day not including naps….then how do you address flat head syndrome…?…what happens when baby wants to play from mothers lap….?…..and if parents are not supposed to “play” with and interact while the baby is playing but only observe… then how does the parent not become some kind of weird voyeur automaton….?…
thanks for the insight…..it is much appreciatd…..
Mary Ellen,
Thanks, these are really good questions and I’ll try my best to answer them!
Children, especially infants and toddlers, form habits quickly. As a parent, we constantly create patterns of behavior that our baby will naturally want to continue. Babies thrive on predictability. It is the small bit of independence they can have — knowing what will happen next, and what is expected of them.
Having said that, babies are also very adaptable. If we want to make changes for our baby, there will be a brief adjustment period, and then the baby will form new habits. It is up to us to create the habits that we believe will set our baby in the most positive direction. Babies (and children of all ages, even adults!) might seem to “enjoy” things that aren’t necessarily good for them in the long haul (like candy, partying all night, etc.!)
1. It sounds like you are interested in allowing Benjamin to develop his gross motor skills naturally, but you are doing some things that are getting in the way. Babies have the most freedom to move when placed on their backs. But if they are placed in more vertical positions, (like in the saucer or bouncy seat, playing in a sitting postion on a parent’s lap or just placed in a sitting position on the floor) they get used to being in those positions. Ideally, Magda Gerber and Dr. Emmi Pikler would say to wait until an infant can move himself from a lying down postion on the floor to a sitting postion before ever placing him in that position. This takes patience, and a real committment to the natural gross motor development approach. But, you can wean your baby from playing in more vertical positions quickly, if you make a concerted effort to stop placing him in those upright postions. If your baby complains when he is on his back, try lying next to him and talking to him. Then, if he continues you might pick him up and hold him, and after a few minutes try again. All the while, talk to him about what you are doing. He will be able to build the muscles necessary to play well on his tummy soon, but if he is being moved into other postions, he doesn’t have the time he needs to work on his tummy and develop his pivoting and scooting skills.
Your instinct about “The Little Gym” is healthy. When babies are allowed to develop naturally, they have amazing balance, grace and control. This is good for them psychologically as well as physically. Imagine how your boy feels when he is stuck in a sitting up position, immobile, and the only way he can leave that position is to fall. That is what happens when we sit babies up. And yet, doctors often suggest it.
2. If Benjamin has more time on the floor, he will begin to manuever in the ways he wishes to, independently. Yes, we teach parents to allow babies to be on their backs until the baby chooses to do otherwise. And they demonstrate that choice by doing it.
The difference in this approach is that is TRUSTS babies to do what they are capable of doing on their own. And we believe that what an infant can do is enough…more than enough…it’s the perfect thing for him to be doing.
Afternoons, especially late afternoons are usually the most difficult time for parents. Your need to get out is very understandable! Go for a stroll, or if it’s a nice day, bring a blanket to the park. But, this is not necessary for Benjamin… Babies are fussy late in the day, period. He needs less stimulation and activity than you probably think. Please don’t feel guilty! Guilt is not allowed. Anyway, you sound like a sensitive and terrific mother!
> Flat head syndrome… This one really baffles me, I am certainly no expert and am obviously going to have to do more research. I’ve been involved with RIE for 17 years, and only in the last two have I heard about the plagiocephaly issue, and have had a couple of babies come to class wearing helmets. Pikler and Gerber have been encouraging the back position for sixty years and many, MANY babies have been raised this way. I believe in taking every precaution, but could this be a case of over-diagnosis — and someone making lots of money on these helmets? Don’t the majority of cases self-correct? Normal babies on their backs can (and do) move their heads from side to side. The reason sleeping on the back is better prevention for SIDS is that the infant can move his head more freely. And if Benjamin is already able to roll, he will soon be spending more and more time on his tummy by choice.
Of course you should play with Benjamin and enjoy him in your lap as much as you want to! Just make sure he has a lot of time on the floor (or in a play pen) so that he can work on his moves. And you don’t have to be an automoton:-) … just be in responsive mode. When he looks at you acknowledge what he is doing, but also enjoy peaceful moments of just “being” together. The more you do while he plays, the more he will be responding to his magical mother, rather than the other way around. It’s different, I know. And I have the greatest admiration for you for wanting to try this different approach without the availability of classes and the support of other parents. There are several parents like you who have been contacting me privately, and I’ve been inspired to develop a “community” section for my site, so that you all can connect. My dream is for parents in the same cities to form playgroups and support each other. I’ll be announcing it soon!
Mary Ellen, thanks so much again for your questions!
Now, after 12 years, you have solved my oldest child’s infant constipation mystery. In all the scenarios my husband and I ran through we never thought about the bouncy seat bringing that on. Oh, hindsight…someone please learn from it!
Ahahahhaha! Dawn, you are hilarious and I am BEYOND honored!
Hi Janet,
My baby has severe brain damage from birth resulting in dystonic cerebral palsy and ‘developmental delay’. We have so much input from physio, speech and OT and I have tried a few different approaches to helping his gross motor development. He is now 9 months and is unable to hold his head up for long (tends to flop forward or overextend backwards with his whole body). He can roll over (tummy to back) and hold himself up for a short time on his arms whilst on his belly.
I really appreciate your approach to motor development-allowing the child to develop at his own pace. It has made me think.
What about a child like mine who has a hard time reaching out for anything (he is only just starting to reach out for objects) and difficulty with muscle control ? He is irritable (crying, body arching etc) unless I make a noise with a toy or a song. I can’t tell if this is him or if I have conditioned him to always need/expect distraction. His first 3 months we were told he would die so he didn’t do much moving around.
What can I do (or not do!) to help him?
Faith, it seems I missed your comment somehow and I humbly apologize for this delayed response.
Magda Gerber began her work in the U.S. as a child therapist, working with children who had cerebral palsy at Children’s Hospital. She then spent seven years working with autistic children. In her words (from Your Self-Confident Baby), “I loved this work. I was somehow able to develop relationships with extremely disturbed children whom no one else had been able to reach. The director, Belle Dubnoff, called me ‘Madge with her magic’. (Madge was my American nickname at that time.) My magic was simply observing closely and expecting of the children only what they could do. When a child is expected to do something he cannot, he is set up for failure.”
Magda believed in trusting babies to do what they were ready to do and allowing them to experience mastery in their individual way and time. She treated babies with special needs no differently. She taught us that respecting a child means waiting patiently and trusting, enjoying what the child is able to do rather than wishing or (ever so subtly) asking for more.
Your son’s abilities (reaching, etc.) will come… It sounds like the song or noise “worked” once when he was expressing his discomfort, and has become a little habit and expectation. Instead of the song or noise, you might try acknowledging his communication honestly… “I hear you. You seem uncomfortable. Do you want me to pick you up?” If he continues to cry or seems to indicate YES, then pick him while sitting on the floor, hold him until he calms down and after a while maybe try again. “Would you like to go back to playing? I’m going to lay you down now.”
If his fussiness seems to be about him working to achieve something (reaching, etc.), talk to him about what you know. “I see how hard you are working. That’s difficult to do.”
Please let me know if this helps at all…
This really rings true for me — I live in the UK and 8.5 years ago when I had my eldest, none of my doctors/nurses/health visitors/midwives said a word to me about “tummy time.” I saw it on the internet and was slightly baffled.
I have never owned an exersaucer, baby swing or jumperoo (mostly b/c our house was too small to keep such massive baby things!) and all 4 of my kids have been early walkers & crawlers.
Now, who’s to say that me leaving them on the floor to roll when they were ready is the reason for that? There are too many variables! But clearly they have not suffered for the lack of it.
In fact, with my fourth, I used a baby sling a vast majority of the time when she was tiny and she still crawled at 6 months….
Hi Janet! I’m wondering if you can advise me on how to maintain this process of natural motor development and introducing solid foods. We are interested in Baby-Led Weaning with our son. This method is safe to use only when the child is in a sitting position (to prevent choking). If we aren’t helping him to reach this position, how can we begin solid foods? He’s currently 5months, and we were planning to begin this practice after he reaches 6months, but he won’t be sitting independently by then. I’ve read that RIE recommends lap feeding over use of a high chair. Is this true? What is the benefit of holding him in a seated position on my lap over placing him in a chair?
Thanks for your insight! I learn so much everytime I visit your site!
Hi Kara! Yes, RIE recommends lap feeding because it is more intimate and also because the younger infant doesn’t have to be quite as upright as in a highchair, we can support his back and allow him to be in a more diagonal position. I can see how that might be worrisome with “chunkier” food, but you could always gently help adjust his position on your lap. My husband and I always wore a cook’s apron, because it could get a little messy!
I have read this a few places, and wonder what your response would be?
http://articles.ky3.com/2011-02-23/tummy-time_28623146
I like the idea of allowing an infant to choose tummy time on their own, and I definitely like the idea of keeping them out of “buckets.”
I believe all these findings to be true (in italics below), BUT the misguided conclusion that forced “tummy time” is the answer (rather than more time free to move ) reflects a common misunderstanding of natural, healthy gross motor development.
When are babies are given plently of opportunities to move freely, beginning on their backs, and allowed to progress when ready, they end up spending lots of time on their tummies, eventually scooting and crawling and NEVER skipping developmental milestones. It just doesn’t happen. As hard as it is for some to believe, babies know their own bodies and can be trusted to choose their preferred positions if we can just stay out of their way. We don’t have to make tummy time “happen for them”, they do it themselves. Physical development is a completely natural, organic process. It doesn’t have to be taught or “urged” forward, in fact, it is so much healthier for the child if it isn’t. (And a relief for parents, too, no?)
Babies don’t have to be forced into uncomfortable positions to make them develop. And giving babies our trust pays off bigtime. They not only develop their motor skills naturally and beautifully, they also develop keen body awareness and self-confidence to last a lifetime.
“Extensive time in containers limits movement, which causes problems with development,” said Young.
There is growing clinical evidence that it’s causing delays in otherwise normal children.
“It’s affecting motor skills, both fine and gross, and sensory development overall. The developmental milestones have changed dramatically in 20 years.”
It’s all because spending time on your stomach establishes the upper body strength that babies will use for the rest of their lives to do things like read and write, hold a scissors properly, and even climb a jungle gym.
“It’s absolutely vital for development. It supports neck development, which supports the jaw, which supports talking and eating. It supports the neck, which supports the eyes being able to focus together and scan,” said Amy Vaughan, an occupational therapist with Burrell Behavioral Health.
Because they don’t have the upper body strength to support them, more and more children are completely skipping over the crawling stage. Once seen by medical professionals as unnecessary for the normal development of children, more and more of them now believe crawling is crucial.
“Crawling will help strengthen muscles to support handwriting and endurance. It’s going to support the midline to swing a bat and hit a ball and have hand-eye coordination to do it well,” said Vaughan.
I agree with you about a lot of the baby gizmos that are marketed. I can’t believe that they sell walkers still after their has been so much research showing it means kids walk later and on top of that they are so dangerous!!
However, I don’t see how this is connected to your criticism of tummy time. Before SIDS’ “back-to-sleep” campaign most babies slept on their tummies. The campaign was so successful that all that time babies spent on their tummy disappeared (because they were now sleeping in their backs). Prior generations had slept on their tummy and played on their back (and some babies were just expected to die during their first year). What is “natural” is affected by culture.
Are you saying that babies should not be encouraged to have a chance to experience being on their tummy unless they can roll over on their own? To me it make sense that we put our babies down on their backs sometimes and their bellies sometimes. Babies can learn about what life is like in all directions, sometimes they can see all around and other times they can focus up close on the texture of the carpet, etc.
With your perspective on avoiding any position where babies’ movements are confined I was surprised that you a carrier because that confines children’s position.