Finding The Right Tone For Setting Limits

In this episode: a parent is having difficulty convincing her 10-month old that pulling mommy’s hair is not a good game, but her son is not getting the message.


Please share your comments and questions. I read them all and respond to as many as time will allow.

  1. Can you addendum fora toddler/preschooler? I have a temperamental Taurus who turns 4 on Sunday. I would like to start this theory with confidence two years ago, please. Okay to start now? You mention “deliberate” in this post. I am sure the hitting or kicking or more physical reactions he has now are deliberate… is there a different NO for this?

    1. Emily, I hope you won’t mind my jumping in, as I, too, wish I had found this earlier: not because there were different ways with a younger child, but because I would have happier parenting memories and my daughter would have had a more capable Mom.

      You can absolutely start now with all that is on this site. Really really listen to or read and reread this podcast: it’s your intention, your way of being and it has nothing to do with the behavior of the child: Janet discusses in another post how she responded to an 80-year-old man with the same unruffled empathy and respect, even though she felt uncomfortable with shame, and the interaction between the two was as beautiful as your four-year-old and you working on whatever she is working on.

      Scour this site. Really. I LOVE being a Mom, now, because I understand where my daughter is coming from and I know the guidance here is how I want to be in the world and with myself. There will be small changes in your choice of words and sense of situation, then you will notice everyday it’s like a bicycle and you find yourself able to pedal faster and faster without losing your balance and you can even fly down hills without fear because you are so adept with the brakes and defensive cycling. And yet, and yet, the days are a calmer ride and the hills and valleys smoothe out. I welcome “issues” because I get to help my daughter on a deep level and it’s love on a really deep level.

      I SO wish I had found this site in the months before my daughter was born, but I just say to myself, for consolation, at least she is not full grown and out of the house: I still have many years ahead of us and I never rush a day anymore. I am enjoying “getting this” : )

      1. Marian, you are so lovely and I feel like I should be paying you for all your kind endorsements! Seriously, I’m beyond thrilled that Magda Gerber’s approach has helped you as much as it has me. Thank you for sharing so honestly and generously. You blow me away! With gratitude and affection, Janet

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