Crying and Tantrums

Don’t Fight the Feelings

One of the most ironically counterintuitive twists of parenting is this: the more we welcome our children’s displeasure, the happier everyone in our household will be. There is no greater gift to our children and ourselves than complete acceptance of their negative feelings. (Notice I did not say “behaviors”.)  By deleting from our parenting job description the responsibilities to ‘soothe’, ‘correct’...

A Question of Self-Worth

This isn’t what I’d planned to write today, but I’m learning that blogging isn’t always about what we want to write. Sometimes it’s about processing what’s making it impossible to concentrate on anything else. My focus as a parenting teacher and coach, and the underlying theme of every post I’ve written, is respect for babies and toddlers. Everything I share on my blog is intended to evangelize one...

Helping Kids Adjust to Life With the New Baby

I’d just landed at LAX and was waiting at the baggage claim carousel when I heard an angry exchange. I turned toward the adjacent carousel and saw a three or four-year-old girl decked out in a colorful traveling ensemble – brightly patterned leggings, a trendy t-shirt and pink plastic movie star sunglasses. She seemed to be fumbling for something in her polka dot backpack while her father glared at her and...

The #1 Reason We Misunderstand Our Kids (And Secrets To Better Clarity)

Since one of our primary goals as responsive parents is being attuned to our children and their needs, it’s helpful to be aware of a natural impulse that obstructs this clarity: projection. Projections aren’t all bad. These “educated guesses” stem from our healthy, socially adaptive instinct to imagine each other’s thoughts, feelings and intentions in order to relate and connect.  Projections are...

I Think I Know Why You’re Yelling

“I find that I become one of two moms when my children are upset. I’m either Mary Poppins — kind, loving, patient — or I’m completely intolerant and prone to yelling and screaming.” –Concerned Mom If you’re yelling at your kids, you’re not alone. In fact, my own empirical research suggests yelling has become something of a parenting epidemic. Some are even calling it “the new...

No Angry Kids – Fostering Emotional Literacy In Our Children

“Remember, crying is a baby’s language – it is a way to express pain, anger, and sadness. Acknowledge the emotions your baby is expressing. Let him know he has communicated.” – Magda Gerber, Dear Parent – Caring For Infants With Respect In the beginning, fostering healthy emotional development for our children means listening and trying to decipher our babies’ cries rather than immediately suppressing...

Parenting Secrets That End Power Struggles

I’m privileged to receive a steady stream of questions from parents about various issues (and regret not being able to answer them all). The most common dilemma by far is discipline. Loving, thoughtful parents simply want to know how to give their kids healthy limits and boundaries, but this area of parenting is fraught with confusion, emotions and misunderstanding. Successful guidance provides children the safety...

Tantrums and Meltdowns – My Secret For Staying Calm When My Kids Aren’t

I’ve hesitated to share this secret because I worry it seems silly.  Then it occurred to me that if I’m really striving to provide a complete parenting “toolbox” on this blog, I can’t not include a practice, however inane, that has been essential to my own sanity and to raising three kids who are healthier and better adjusted than I could ever have hoped. I’m the kind of person who absorbs and is...