Hi Janet,

My wife Kristin mentioned that you might enjoy this little video of our 11 month old Siena doing some unique play.

A couple of things personally fascinate me about this activity of hers. She didn’t pick it up from anywhere; it just came out of nowhere. She truly enjoys it in the moment even if she has to take brief dizzy breaks. And there seems to be no particular functional skill she’s working on, no objects or external stimulation cues inspire her to spontaneously do this. She just needs a flat surface and goes at it for the joy in and of itself. It looks like a very pure example of “play” in my eyes. She’s actually gotten much faster and tighter spins since this video was taken. 

Regards,

Joe

Worth noting:

Honoring play

Siena freely expresses herself through play because her parents appreciate and respect her self-initiated activities. They allow her plenty of time each day to enjoy moving and playing independently. They don’t interrupt unnecessarily.

Cement

You might be thinking, “Yikes! She’s rolling around on cement pavement! Won’t she get hurt?” Interestingly, when we allow gross motor skills to develop naturally, provide plenty of time for babies to practice and don’t interfere, children can be trusted to know what they’re doing. Awareness is extremely high, both in terms of body awareness and awareness of the environment.

Not a milestone

Siena’s spinning won’t be found on any doctor’s checklist. This is no typical milestone — it’s one child’s unique discovery — and that’s the beauty of it. Children need our appreciation and encouragement for their creative choices, which for babies usually means the way they choose to move. When we focus on milestones we miss the magic.

I’m really glad that Joe and Kristin documented this, because chances are this stage will disappear, as most transitional moves do. Siena probably won’t be spinning once she starts walking, unless, of course, she does end up a break-dancer…and I wouldn’t put that past her.

Does your baby have unique moves? I’d love to hear about them…

Kristin, Joe and Siena, thanks so much for allowing me to share your video (and photo, above). You all ROCK!

(Kristin shares exquisite handmade accessories “to have, to hold and to wear” on her site Petal and Thorn)

Please join HandinHand Parenting founder Patty Wipfler and me on Thursday, January 19, 2012, 6:00-7:00 PM (PST) for our free teleseminar “Play That Builds Resilient Kids”.  Click HERE for more information and to register.

1. Listen

Turns out, blogging is less about speaking one’s mind than it is about listening. Tuning in to other sources –reading articles, posts and online conversations — has been the key to knowing what parents are concerned about and where I might have something helpful to offer.

2.  Take a chance, be different

Like all creative endeavors, blogging is about trusting your instincts. Don’t be afraid you’ll write yourself into a corner if you become too specific. Being “niche” is good. In fact, be on the lookout for something you can add to the conversation that’s different from what everyone else is saying. There’s only one you out there, and that is all any of us have to share. The most intriguing blogs have something fresh and distinctive to say. Even if we don’t entirely agree, we read and respect those bloggers.

(This post is an example of me taking a chance, since blogging tips are not what I imagine readers care to hear from me.)

3. You can’t please everyone

Although I’ve tried to raise my children not to be rattled by conflict and disagreement, I admit that I tend to be. This is the area in which I’ve grown the most through blogging. Here’s the perspective I’ve gained: if everyone agrees with you all the time, you’re probably playing it too safe. A blogger’s job is to share his or her unique point of view, experiences and suggestions which aren’t always going to make others say “yeah, yeah, yeah”. This is especially true for parenting bloggers since parenthood, especially in the early years, is a sensitive time in one’s life, and the least confident among us (I was once in this group) are the quickest to feel threatened and go into attack mode (not my style, but I understand the impulse).

When you are attacked by a reader’s comment, understand that it means you’ve probably made that reader rethink or question something that isn’t working for them anyway. Opening up to new ideas can be uncomfortable, even painful. So don’t feel bad or get mad — empathize.

4. Titles matter (almost) as much as your post

I read a couple of “how to blog” posts that mentioned the importance of strong titles and opening paragraphs, but didn’t really believe it. Then, last summer I made a conscious effort to write a few provocative, commercial sounding titles. Big difference.  You can still be creative. In fact, it takes real creativity to come up with a pithy title that makes people stop and click, but also engagingly and accurately describes your post.

Now, when I’m conjuring up titles, I ask myself if this would capture my attention while scrolling through hundreds of posts on Facebook or Twitter. There are bloggers I’ll always read regardless of their titles, but to really expand your readership, you have to grab people’s attention, even if they haven’t a clue who you are or hated your last post.

It also helps to get an outside opinion when you’re stumped. My husband (also my tireless, extraordinary editor) has been a godsend, creating successful titles like “Don’t Cramp Your Toddler’s Style” and “The Problem With Cute Kids”.

Also, readers like lists, which are a stretch for me (organization isn’t my strong suit) but their effectiveness is worth the effort.

Case in point, here are my top ten posts of 2011 (out of about 80, total), all written in the latter half of this year.  Check out the titles…

1. The Case Against Tummy Time: Guest Post by Irene Gutteridge
2. The Parenting Magic Word (10 Ways To Use It)
3. 5 Reasons Toddlers Don’t Need ‘Redirection’ (And What To Do Instead)
4. 7 Reasons To Calm Down About Babies Crying
5. Don’t Cramp Your Toddler’s Style – The Power Of Trust
6. The Problem With Cute Kids
7. The Key To Your Child’s Heart (7 Ways It Works)
8. The Secrets Of Infant Learning
9. 10 Secrets To Raising Less Stressed Kids
10. Would You Let Your Baby Do This?

5. Be authentic

If you want to build a reputation as a blogger, never (ever, ever) sacrifice trust, integrity or authenticity to attract attention. Don’t even think of exaggerating facts or giving false information. The worst offenders create fear, which is especially cruel for parents since we are so prone to worry. Nothing is cheaper or a bigger turn-off in my book than a “made you look” post or title.

6. Facebook and Twitter

Twitter has been a great way to connect with other parenting sites and meet some wonderful ECE professionals, but the vast majority of my blog traffic comes from Facebook.  If you don’t have one already, get a Facebook page and use it. In my first year of blogging, I mostly posted my own links. Then I started noticing what successful pages were doing — making their pages into little magazines by sharing articles they liked from other sites. What fun! And this is also a great way to “save” articles that you want to refer and link to in future posts. When I finally learned how to link to not just the articles, but the other pages as well, I began to feel part of a community and my site visits increased substantially.

6. Stuck?

When in doubt, ask yourself, “What do I have to share that might be helpful to someone?” Read what’s out there and see what comes to mind. Again, it’s about listening…to others and then, ultimately, yourself.

7. Escape

The real ideas don’t come when I’m devouring information. They appear (seemingly by magic) long after I’ve read and digested, in the quiet space when I can to listen to my thoughts. For me, this is when I’m jogging or awake too early in the morning and can’t get back to sleep (a silver lining to that dark cloud).

I also need to get away from the computer periodically, clear my head and forget I ever had a blog. Best to do this before your friends and family feel neglected and resentful (learned this the hard way).

9. Get personal

Share personal stories to illustrate your points whenever possible. The personal touch is what makes the difference between a site you respect and one that you feel a real connection to.

10. Welcome contributions and collaboration

My blog is specifically about Magda Gerber and RIE’s Educaring Approach, which limits possible guest posts, but it makes my day when someone sends me an interesting video, shares a story or their experiences with the practices I write about. I beg them to let me post it. Nothing is more engaging to me than the unique experiences or perspectives of another professional or parent.  And my top post for 2011 was Feldenkrais practictioner Irene Gutteridge’s guest post “The Case Against Tummy Time”!

11. Write evergreen

When I began blogging, my husband gave me a fantastic piece of advice: write evergreen posts… and I’ve never looked back. But my husband was right, readers have (looked back). Posts that I put my heart into back when just my friends and family were reading have been discovered in recent months. Three of my top four posts this month were oldies from my first months of blogging: No Bad Kids – Toddler Discipline Without Shame, The Easily Forgotten Gift and You’ll Be Sorry – Children And Apologies. How great is that? I’ve been especially thankful for the time away my evergreen posts have bought me during the busy holiday season.

I still have a lot to learn about blogging, and I’m sure 2012 will bring many more lessons. Maybe this will be the year I finally master something all the blogging experts recommend…the 300 word post (and pigs will fly).

In the meantime, I’d love to hear your ideas!

(Photo, entitled “Look At These Potatoes”, by one of my favorite collaborators Jude Keith Rose)

In A Creative Alternative To Baby TV Time, I speculated that parents desperately need breaks from the 24/7 job of baby care, especially in those first years (been there!). Sometimes TV can seem the easiest or only answer. The majority of these parents must not be aware that there is a healthier, safer way that’s guaranteed to have a positive impact on their baby’s developing brain…

Independent play keeps babies safely occupied, while also providing an essential developmental opportunity. Not only is inner-directed and uninterrupted play a profoundly educational, therapeutic, creative (the list goes on) activity for babies, it’s also the key to raising a child capable of self-entertainment. Provided with safe places to play, these babies have no need for TV.

The American Academy of Pediatrics corroborated these statements when it (all too briefly) mentioned a viable alternative to TV use in its recent update to recommendations for children under 2: leave the baby to play alone. Unfortunately, they neglected to include the most important element of solo play: a 100% safe, gated off area. Parents listening to the report might have been imagining their babies wandering around the house while they went to the bathroom and thinking, ‘no way am I going to do that!’ Nor should they.

Establishing the play ‘habit’ takes a bit more thought and conscious effort in the beginning than does plunking a baby in front of TV. It’s worth it, though, and I can’t imagine a better description of the process than the account and video sent to me by Kerry, a mum from New Zealand…

I’m so happy I’ve persevered with uninterrupted play. I can definitely see the results now. My baby is very content to explore his environment.

The biggest thing for me was TRUST – trusting him to move just the way he needs to, trusting him to spend his time doing what is most relevant to his learning, trusting him to let me know when he needs me. By doing this I have got more and more enjoyment out of observing him and I think we both get more satisfaction out of each small achievement.  It’s like watching life unfold.

I’ve also found it’s almost about going *against* your instincts – to not rattle a toy in his face when he’s day dreaming, to not help him straight away when he’s stuck or frustrated, to not ‘teach’ him how to reach his next milestone.  When he’s playing, he’s being, and by respecting that he’s learnt to love his time on the floor.

Kobe is my ‘proof’ that babies move through physical milestones naturally without the need for adult intervention or teaching. He has found his hands and feet, reached for toys, rolled one way, rolled the other, rolled back, turned in a circle, and I didn’t teach him a thing!

So that’s a couple things, otherwise I always place him on his back first, don’t use any equipment that restricts movement, give him opportunities to play every time he’s awake, give him full attention during care moments, leave the room sometimes when he’s settled and playing (always tell him I’ll be back in 1 minute), acknowledge eye-contact and any frustrations, and make time for interactive play time too (lots of cuddles and singing etc.). 

(Kerry mentioned that she accidentally erased the sound from this video, so we’re unable to hear Kobe reciting Shakespeare’s Sonnet 30 while he plays.)

P.S. Kobe has just started daycare and the teachers have commented on his agility and confidence in his movements, his ability to self-soothe and the way he anticipates and responds to adult’s actions…. I’m such proud mum!

Thank you, Kerry!

Kerry is an early childhood teacher in New Zealand and began working in a nursery 2 years ago which sparked her passion for respectful care and the RIE philosophy.  Since having Kobe 6 months ago she has been privileged to put into practice all she’s learnt and is amazed everyday at Kobe’s attentiveness, confidence and grace

Imagine you and the grandparents are taking your 14-month-old to the beach for the very first time. For days you’ve all been enjoying fantasies about how you’ll share the magic with your baby: making sand castles, finding shells, sitting under an umbrella with a yummy picnic lunch, holding her hand and wading in the ocean together. But then you get there and your toddler chooses to do something surprising and a little bit odd — it throws you for a loop. She’s in no danger, isn’t bothering anyone and is obviously following her desires, but you worry… Is it okay? Should I try to engage her in the activities I’ve planned or just let her be (and if so, for how long?).

Infant specialist Magda Gerber would strongly encourage you to let go of your expectations and agenda, relax, trust, keep an open mind and enjoy your baby’s play, allowing her to continue her self-chosen activity for as long as you can. She’d suggest you take advantage of the opportunity to join her on this child-led adventure (which Magda referred to as “wants nothing” quality time).

“Most of us are used to, and conditioned to doing something. “Wants nothing” time is different, more a time for taking in and waiting. We fully accept the infants’ beingness just by our own receptive beingness. Our presence is telling the child that we are really there and aware.”  -Magda Gerber

Self-directed play encourages toddlers to be independent thinkers and learners, allows for creative exploration and self-expression, and often serves as play therapy since our babies instinctively know what they’re working on (or working through). Honoring our child’s choices rather than imposing our own validates more than any amount of praise and adulation ever could.

Here’s the vivid example that inspired this post, sent to me by a mom in my RIE Parent/Infant Guidance Class after she returned from a late summer vacation…

Janet,

I just have to share these pictures with you. To everyone’s amazement, Eva just kept lying down on the sand! She would just lie there and hang out by herself. My parents were sort of shocked and like…’what is she doing?’ I was thinking Magda would be proud and that her actions were a testament to what I’ve learned at RIE…just to let her be her!

xoxox

Tracy 

“This is a free-flowing space in which the child should not feel he has to perform, because the parent is not sending out the kind of demanding messages that say, “I am here now, what shall we do?” –Magda Gerber

“If the infant seems to ignore you and is doing something completely on his own, don’t leave.  It is very comforting for him to know you are there, really there, without any pressure to have to do something to keep your attention.” –Gerber 

“Do less, enjoy more.” -Gerber

“In play, there’s no time.” –Flinsch

(Besides being an exceptional mom, Tracy is an uber-talented artist and “exercise innovator“)

In the last decade, educators and psychologists have begun developing new methods to test and understand the infant mind. They’re finding proof that even the youngest infants are phenomenal learners, actively engaged in absorbing new information, imagining, experimentation, statistical reasoning, problem solving. This perception of babies was once held only by those with insight and the inclination to observe — people like infant specialist Magda Gerber who rejected conventional wisdom and inspired others to study babies playing independently and note their abilities.

“An infant always learns. The less we interfere with the natural process of learning, the more we can observe how much infants learn all the time.”–Magda Gerber

So, how do we best enable and support babies through this impressive, innate process?  Here are a few of the secrets Magda taught me…

1. Diaper changes, feedings, baths, brushing teeth, dressing and undressing, nose wiping, finger and toenail clipping are all prime time for learning

But this is only true if we pay attention while we are doing those things, tell our babies what’s happening and invite them to participate with us. Even when our infant or toddler isn’t in a cooperative mood, there is much to be gained by simply acknowledging the difficulties, retaining a flexible attitude and continuing to interact rather than distract. “We’re having a rough time of it today, aren’t we?”

Infants can’t help but learn all the time, so the question really isn’t “are they learning?”, but rather “what are they learning?”  If we engage with babies during caregiving tasks, they learn about their bodies and how to care for them. They learn language naturally and internalize it because they don’t just hear our words, they experience them through all of their senses. (“Can you help me squeeze the warm water out of this yellow sponge?”) Most importantly, babies learn that their participation is expected and highly valued.

During these intimate moments with us, our baby’s sense of security is refueled, which then makes it possible for him to enjoy playing and exploring independently.

2. Infant learning secrets? Babies know them all already. So, trust infants and toddlers to be initiators, explorers and self-learners (which is the essence of the first RIE principle).

Indeed, babies can teach us a thing or two about learning, as psychologist and infant researcher Alison Gopnik explains in her intriguing video How To Think Like A Baby. Experts used to believe (and some still do) that an infant peacefully lying awake in his crib couldn’t possibly be ‘doing’ anything, or at least not anything worthwhile. One influential author even believes that babies “should not be put down at all” and that “babies placed in cots live in a state of longing…” These subjective assumptions and projections are not only untrue, they grossly underestimate the infant mind and are, quite honestly, a little egocentric on the part of the adult. Babies are only capable of being followers, never initiators? They have no mind or will of their own? They can’t take an interest in life unless they are in the arms of an adult?

It is true that babies need plenty of attentive physical contact with loving adults, but they also benefit from initiating self-chosen activities, engaging with life on their own terms, which might be as simple as an uninterrupted exploration of their hands or feet, or a daydream about dust particles. They especially enjoy having our appreciative attention without our direction.

3. Short attention span? Think again. Let infants choose, and their interest lasts longer

Another reason to let babies initiate learning activities is that they (like all of us) are capable of a longer attention span when they are doing something that they find enjoyable or intrinsically motivating.  Magda Gerber balked at the idea that infants and toddlers have short attention spans, because she’d observed otherwise. Magda understood that only the baby really knows what interests him at any given moment, and when we allow babies to choose activities and don’t interrupt, they astound us by engaging much longer than generally thought possible. (See this video and the one below!)

4. Big play spaces can be too much of a good thing. Even the smallest babies need boundaries

Parents have asked, “My whole house is childproofed. Do I need to make a gated play space for my baby?” And my answer is yes, because babies aren’t as comfortable playing when they are in a very large area. They are distracted and overwhelmed by too much “freedom”, actually appreciate the security they feel within safe boundaries (although toddlers might test and seem to object to them). The younger the baby, the smaller the space needed to feel truly free to explore their world and learn. Very young infants have plenty of room to play in a crib or playpen.

5. Familiarity breeds learning

An interesting paradox about babies…they learn more from what they know than from what they don’t know.  Learning blossoms when babies have a predictable environment. They love to know the ropes.

I get a kick out of observing babies entering the RIE classroom each week with their parents. The first few times they come, they quietly take in this novel situation. Then you begin to see the spark of recognition in their eyes and maybe a smile. As the months pass, some of the children arrive and point out their favorite familiar things in the classroom, as if touching base. I’ll respond, “Yes, there’s that dog in the picture you always see here.” You can clearly see when they have gotten over the hump and begin to own the place, because they dive right in and begin exploring. If they’ve missed a week or two for whatever reason, it might take them a couple of classes to feel that sense of comfort again.

Parents who have returned from family trips often tell me how elated their toddlers are to be home, enjoying their safe play spaces again.

6. Babies learn more when their toys are doing less

Interestingly, they engage with passive, simple, open-ended toys and objects for much longer, too. And that reminds me…

A family in one of my classes allowed me to share a video of their son, and it happens to perfectly illustrate the infant learning secrets I’ve mentioned: trust in the infant as a self-learner, the comfort of boundaries and familiarity, sustained attention as a result of self-chosen activity, and the value of simple objects as creative learning tools.

Watch this 10 month old scientist focusing intently for over 8 minutes (but there’s no need to watch the whole thing to get the picture). Observe his attention to every detail as he explores his object’s properties and creates educational experiments that help him to better understand balance, mobility, gravity, velocity. Even more impressive to me than this baby actively learning is the atmosphere of trust his parents have provided. The belief they obviously have in their son and his abilities is what makes this depth of learning possible. 

(I love the way he checks out his hand in the beginning.)

Now, here’s a sampling of the “qualities of a good learner” that I found from a variety of sources on the web. Do any of these remind you of babies?

• passion for knowledge.
• remains focused on the subject matter at hand, and takes time to review the material until it is assimilated appropriately, or we might say until it is well ingrained.
• perseveres and does not become frustrated or discouraged when items are not easily understood at first.
• will realize that in many instances, learning is not always a spontaneous event, but something that is realized over a period of time.
• understands the importance of practice, practice, practice.
• actively participates.
• always tries.
• analyzes new information and contrasts it with what they already know.
• begins with being present–physically, mentally. Knows how he/she learns best and is creative.
• enjoys learning.
• has a personal interest in the subject matter.
• has active listening, thinks and responds.
• has frustrations and asks a lot of questions.
• is a good listener, loves what he/she is learning.
• is creative — able to challenge assumed knowledge.
• is enthusiastic about learning. You don’t have to be smart.
• is open to taking risks, exploring, playing. It’s more about the process than the product.
• is open-minded.
• is willing to work hard.
• never stops learning.
• very curious, aware and focused on his/her mission.
• tries to cultivate “beginner’s mind”. (Ha!)
]]> http://www.janetlansbury.com/2011/08/the-secrets-of-infant-learning/feed/ 19 http://www.janetlansbury.com/2011/06/the-parenting-magic-word-10-ways-to-use-it/ http://www.janetlansbury.com/2011/06/the-parenting-magic-word-10-ways-to-use-it/#comments Wed, 22 Jun 2011 02:26:06 +0000 janet http://www.janetlansbury.com/?p=3748 Madga Gerber extolled the power of a single word that is fundamental to her child care philosophy. This word reflects a core belief in a baby’s natural abilities, respects his unique developmental timetable, fulfills his need to experience mastery, be a creative problem solver and to express feelings (even those that are hard for us to witness). The word is a simple, practical tool for understanding babies, providing love, attention and trust for humans of all ages.

The word is wait. And here’s how it works…

1. Wait for development of an infant or toddler’s motor skills, toilet learning, language and other preschool learning skills. Notice a child’s satisfaction, comfort and self-pride when he is able to show you what he is ready to do, rather than the other way around. As Magda Gerber often said, “readiness is when they do it.” Ready babies do it better (Hmmm… a bumper sticker?), and they own their achievement completely, relish it, and build self-confidence to last a lifetime.

2. Wait before interrupting and give babies the opportunity to continue what they are doing, learn more about what interests them, develop longer attention spans and become independent self-learners. When we wait while a newborn gazes at the ceiling and allow him to continue his train of thought, he is encouraged not only to keep thinking, but to keep trusting his instincts. Refraining from interrupting whenever possible gives our child the message that we value his chosen activities (and therefore him).

3. Wait for problem solving and allow a child the resilience-building struggle and frustration that usually precedes accomplishment. Wait to see first what a child is capable of doing on his own.

When a baby is struggling to roll from back to tummy, try comforting with gentle words of encouragement before intervening and interrupting his process. Then if frustration mounts, pick him up and give him a break rather than turning him over and ‘fixing’ him. This encourages our baby to try, try again and eventually succeed, rather than believe himself incapable and expect others to do it for him. This holds true for the development of motor skills, struggles with toys, puzzles and equipment, even self-soothing abilities like finding his thumb rather than giving him a pacifier.

(For more examples of the value of waiting for children to solve problems, please read A Jar Not Opened and A Hovering Parent’s Successful Landing.)

4. Wait for discovery rather than showing a child her new toy and how it works. When you teach a child something, you take away forever his chance of discovering it for himself. –Jean Piaget

5. Wait and observe to see what the child is really doing before jumping to conclusions. A baby reaching towards a toy might be satisfied to be stretching his arm and fingers, not expecting to accomplish a task. A toddler looking through a sliding glass door might be practicing standing or enjoying the view and not necessarily eager to go outside.

6. Wait for conflict resolution and give babies the opportunity to solve problems with their peers, which they usually do quite readily if we can remain calm and patient. And what may look like conflict to an adult is often just “playing together” through an infant or toddler’s eyes.

7. Wait for readiness before introducing new activities and children can be active participants, embrace experiences more eagerly and confidently, comprehend and learn far more. It’s hard to wait to share our own exciting childhood experiences (like shows, theme parks or dance classes) with our children, but sooner is almost never better, and our patience always pays off. (I explain this in much more detail in Toddler Readiness – The Beauty of Waiting and Please Don’t Take The Babies.)

8.  Wait for a better understanding of what babies need when they cry. When we follow the impulse most of us have to quell our children’s tears as quickly as possible, we can end up projecting and assuming needs rather than truly understanding what our child is communicating. This is the basis of my argument with Annie from Ph.D. in Parenting in Attachment Parenting Debate – For Crying Out Loud and the realization shared by a parent in A Toddler’s Need To Cry (One Parent’s Lesson).

9. Wait for feelings to be expressed so that our children can fully process them. Our child’s cries can stir up our own deeply suppressed emotions; make us impatient, annoyed, uneasy, and even angry or fearful. But children need our non-judgmental acceptance of their feelings and our encouragement to allow them to run their course.

10. Wait for ideas from children before offering suggestions of our own. This encourages them to be patient thinkers and brainstormers. Countless times I’ve experienced the miracle of waiting before giving my brilliant two cents while children play, or providing play ideas when children seem bored. Biting my tongue for a few minutes, maybe saying some encouraging words to a toddler like, “It’s hard to know what to do sometimes, but you are creative, I know you’ll think of something” is usually all that it takes for the child to come up with an idea. And it’s bound to be more imaginative, interesting and appropriate than anything I could have thought of. Best of all, the child receives spectacular affirmations: 1) I am a creative thinker and problem solver; 2) I can bear discomfort, struggle and frustration; 3) Boredom is just the time and space between ideas… (And sometimes, the wellspring of genius.)

Instincts may tell us that waiting is uncaring, unhelpful and confidence-shaking — until the results are proven to us. Sitting back patiently and observing often feels counterintuitive, so even if we know and appreciate the magic that can happen when we “wait”, it usually involves a conscious effort. But it’s worth it.

Do you find it challenging to wait? Do you have a magic word of your own? No need to wait to share your thoughts…

]]> http://www.janetlansbury.com/2011/06/the-parenting-magic-word-10-ways-to-use-it/feed/ 21 http://www.janetlansbury.com/2011/01/idea-babies-4-ways-to-kindle-genius/ http://www.janetlansbury.com/2011/01/idea-babies-4-ways-to-kindle-genius/#comments Thu, 27 Jan 2011 18:50:41 +0000 janet http://www.janetlansbury.com/?p=2833 Genius, commonly defined as “extraordinary intellectual and creative power”, is a term we probably wouldn’t use to describe ourselves or our children. We may believe we’re smart or talented, but most of us don’t think we’re all that extraordinary. Even if we are “a person who has an exceptionally high intelligence quotient, typically above 140”, we don’t typically imagine ourselves geniuses.

Far more exciting and productive is the definition of genius that educator Rick Ackerly ascribes to in an engaging, inspiring and informative book I highly recommend, The Genius In Children. His perception of  genius: “…a great science teacher I know called it ‘the teacher within,’ and we all have it. According to James Hillman and Thomas Moore, it goes by many names: soul, muse, calling, psyche, and destiny. It is the you that is becoming. It is our inner author and the source of our authority in the world.”

Recognizing genius as our child’s unique essence leads us to approach parenting as an opportunity to discover, explore and encourage this “teacher within.” The sparks are already there. Our job is to figure out how and when to stoke the flames, and when to let them be. Mostly, it’s about letting them be.

We kindle genius by fostering our child’s innate desire to explore and experience her world independently whenever possible. What begins when an infant has the opportunity to choose to spend a few moments gazing peacefully at patterns of light on a wall, clouds in the sky, or a crack in the ceiling later becomes a toddler discovering a unique use for a puzzle – stacking the pieces instead of fitting them — no one interrupting to show him what he ‘should’ be doing.

Here are more ways to encourage genius…

Make boredom a friend, not an enemy.

Offering our children crafts, art projects and science kits, games and other activities, entertaining them with songs, books and outings encourages creativity (and can be precious time together), but our children are most creative and expressive when they come up with ideas all on their own. And although creative ideas sometimes come to us while we’re busy, they usually materialize in a relaxed, but not always comfortable, “bored” state in between activities. If adult-initiated activities are too close together, or passive entertainment like TV is always on hand to fill the void, children don’t have enough “blank” time and brain space to hone their inventive powers.

Infant specialist Magda Gerber didn’t believe it possible for babies to be bored unless they were conditioned to rely on entertainment and stimulation. She believed that what parents perceive as boredom is usually tiredness or other discomfort (and I’ve found this to be the case with my own children) and should be responded to as such. She taught parents to provide a fertile ground for creativity by 1) providing plenty of time for uninterrupted, independent play each day with simple, versatile, open-ended toys and materials; and 2) turning off the TV, at least for the first few years.

Less is more creative — thinking inside the box.

I recently had the pleasure of lunch with a highly creative couple, Lilly Bright and Evan Cole, RIE parents with a young toddler.  The conversation soon turned to one of my favorite subjects, children and play. Evan shared memories of a childhood mostly spent at his father’s pharmacy occupying himself for hours with nothing but empty boxes. When I asked if he thought there was a link between his rather minimalist, but highly imaginative childhood play experiences and his career choices, Evan (creator of two hugely successful home design stores) admitted, “I like making something out of nothing.”

I’m certainly not advocating doing away with toys. But our fascinating human tendency to create more and engage longer with less is something to keep in mind. The water balloon “babies” my sisters spent hours imagining stories with in the neighbor’s pool; the games like “Shoes”, one of many my sisters and I invented, which entailed struggling to be the first to find a matching pair of shoes among those hidden in my mother’s bedroom in the dark; the rolls of craft paper an artist acquaintance described entertaining herself with all day as a child, not just creating paintings and drawings, but making hats, skirts and scarves… These are all examples of genius at work.

Wait (the hardest part).

Encouraging genius means trusting, which often means waiting instead of directing, helping or teaching — waiting for the few moments of griping a “bored” baby has before he switches gears and finds something new to engage his interest; waiting while our toddler repeatedly attempts to climb up and down the porch step, allowing him to discover how to do it rather than showing him. It’s waiting for an older child to express an interest in tennis lessons before we sign him up. When we go ahead and make decisions for our children in these situations, we risk taking their attention away from the guidance of an inner voice, and train them to be followers rather than original thinkers.

As Magda Gerber advised, “Be careful what you teach the child, you may interfere with what he is learning.”

In child we trust.

As their interests and talents manifest themselves, our children need our whole-hearted support and encouragement to continue to follow their inner guide, keep doing what they love. Our children’s dreams and aspirations may seem illogical, impractical or impossible, but to encourage genius we must trust them anyway.

Like many children, my daughter wanted to hold her parents’ camera and take pictures. So, on a camping trip with my husband at age 7, she asked and he said yes. Rather than photograph the people or beautiful scenery, she aimed her camera towards the ground and photographed rocks in a small stream. These turned out to be the most interesting photos of the trip, and the beginning of an unflagging interest in photography. A few years ago when she was 14, a friend took her photos to the owner of Diesel, A Bookstore who was impressed enough to invite her to exhibit them on his walls. We had them printed on canvas, and several were sold (including the one above) for hundreds of dollars each. We were flabbergasted.         

Trust the genius in your kids. They’re onto something.

(Leaf photo by char!lotte on Flickr. Photo of baby genius at work by Jude Keith Rose.)

]]> http://www.janetlansbury.com/2011/01/idea-babies-4-ways-to-kindle-genius/feed/ 14 http://www.janetlansbury.com/2010/11/make-a-holiday-snowflake-even-if-you-fail-at-crafts/ http://www.janetlansbury.com/2010/11/make-a-holiday-snowflake-even-if-you-fail-at-crafts/#comments Sat, 27 Nov 2010 22:17:12 +0000 janet http://www.janetlansbury.com/?p=2450 I’m not crafty. Really not crafty.  Just hearing the word ‘craft’ gives me anxiety. But it’s not my fault. It’s the instructions. They fail me all the time!

The last straw was when I volunteered to teach Sunday school and chose a simple-looking activity right out of the curriculum book — making cool, stained-glass-type ornaments. The children had created little drawings, colored them and cut them out. I was supposed to seal the shapes between two pieces of waxed paper with an iron. I ironed and ironed. I fretted and sweated, but the waxed paper kept curling up, wouldn’t stick at all, and we were running out of time.  “My mom would have tried this at home first,” a little girl announced. It was church, so I forgave her.

So, you can be sure that if I’m offering a craft idea, it’s easy, forgiving, user friendly, unsinkable. You can also be sure, because of my beliefs about children owning their creative endeavors, about hands-off self-directed play and active participation, that this activity is totally child-centered. A child (3 and up) who is able to use scissors will need only minimal direction.

This simple snowflake activity was introduced to my children by my dear friend Magdalena, of Little River School. They made many, MANY of these and were entertained for hours. My son made the one pictured in about 2 minutes, but he’s 9.  He was thrilled to discover that he accidentally created “a snowman” in the middle. (Hmmm. I’m just realizing there’s a kind of Rorschach test element to this.) The snowflakes look suprisingly lovely when made simpler, by a much younger child, too. There’s no right or wrong way to make these.

You’ll need:

Paper.  Scissors. That’s it.  And tape if you want to hang it on a window.

Directions:

Fold paper in half, and then in half again.  Cut corners and sides any which way you like. Open to admire snowflake.

Oh, and my adolescent daughter corrected me when she awoke at almost noon today. We were supposed to begin with a square piece of paper, not a rectangle. Yes, I imagine that would make a more snowflaky-looking snowflake.

Did I mention I’m no good at crafts?

]]> http://www.janetlansbury.com/2010/11/make-a-holiday-snowflake-even-if-you-fail-at-crafts/feed/ 9 http://www.janetlansbury.com/2010/11/rie-parenting-a-culture-of-creativity/ http://www.janetlansbury.com/2010/11/rie-parenting-a-culture-of-creativity/#comments Mon, 08 Nov 2010 22:46:14 +0000 janet http://www.janetlansbury.com/?p=2364 There was a buzz about RIE last week. The Daily Beast, Parenting and ivillage posted articles referring to RIE (Resources for Infant Educarers) classes as a trendy “celebrity craze”,  and even insinuated that participants constituted a cult. For members and advocates of infant expert Magda Gerber’s non-profit organization, one that’s inspired a diverse community of parents, early childhood educators and child care professionals for over 30 years, this kind of snarky, sensationalist journalism is a little dismaying, but mostly really annoying.

As a RIE instructor for 16 years, a RIE board member and the volunteer coordinator for our parent/infant classes in Los Angeles, I think I can shed some light on the tie between RIE and entertainment celebrities. Yes, some attend our classes, and their privacy is respected. Since RIE is based in LA, home to thousands of celebrity parents, it’s hardly surprising that a few have discovered it. Parents usually find us through word of mouth, though some hear about Pikler and Gerber in college courses in psychology and infant development. And some stumble upon us by accident like I did, in a one sentence Magda Gerber quotation in a random article about fostering creativity in children.

Over the years I’ve noted (without ever having done an official study) that Magda’s guidance does seem to have a special appeal to people with a creative bent. A large percentage of parents in our classes make their living in the arts and other creative fields, or on the periphery. In LA, that naturally means film business types:  actors, comedians, directors, producers, cinematographers, screenwriters, composers and, musicians, but it also includes plenty of artists, dancers, sculptors, gallery owners, novelists, journalists, photographers, designers, and psychologists.

I’ve given some thought to the fact that RIE appeals not only to creative people, but also to the expansive, imaginative side in all of us. Here’s what I’ve come up with…

Creative courage.

Magda Gerber’s theories are time-tested and appeal to our common sense, but they also require us to turn conventional parenting wisdom on its head, buck current trends like infant stimulation, baby music classes and early academic instruction, gadgets like baby swings, exersaucers and walkers. This might mean risking being misunderstood or even disdained by “the Joneses” and feeling alone sometimes. Creative people are used to this kind of risk and less inclined to be afraid of doing what feels ‘right’ whether or not others find it acceptable.

Seeing with an open mind.

Let’s face it — it takes imagination and a leap of faith to see our babies as full-fledged people worth acknowledging, including and respecting when they can’t yet talk or walk. All the neurological studies in the world probably couldn’t convince us if we weren’t open to the idea of an infant being ready and able to actively participate in a relationship with us. If we don’t begin by perceiving our babies as capable people who have a point of view that matters, it’s hard for them to prove it to us. 

It’s the creative side in all of us that sees the big picture, and as parents that means visualizing the long term effects of our choices. Magda Gerber’s theories, although they are also practical and make parenting easier in the moment (once you get used to them), are geared toward establishing a relationship in the first years based on honest interactions, guidance for appropriate behaviors but a welcome acceptance of all feelings, and honoring the child as a uniquely capable individual. We can imagine the trust, mutual respect, self-confidence and independence this will foster. (It does!)

Appreciating creativity.

Creative parents value creativity in their children, want to nurture it, and recognize that Magda Gerber’s “hands-off” approach to infant and toddler play does that. Trusting a brand new baby to be a self-learner, to initiate activity — choose what to gaze at and how to move, even if it means just “being” in a safe place for periods of time each day, and later staying out of a toddler’s way while he invents play, paints, draws, molds, builds or does anything he is capable of doing — nurtures imagination, individuality, intrinsic motivation, and the confidence to express creativity.

There was another kind of buzz about RIE last week at the annual NAEYC (National Association for the Education of Young Children) Conference. RIE Associates Maureen Perry, Gail Nadal, and Alexandra Curtis-Boyer (among others) described their experiences sharing and implementing Magda Gerber’s approach in diverse communities across the globe. From professional caregivers in New Zealand to at-risk populations, including teenage moms and homeless women in Tampa, Florida, families are benefiting from Magda Gerber’s sound advice and learning to appreciate the innate wisdom babies bring into the world. I’m grateful to be a part of this.

By the way, the suggestion in the RIE ‘celebrity’ articles that Magda Gerber eschewed singing and dancing is laughable!  Magda had a lovely voice, sang lullabies heartily in Hungarian, and regularly broke into a rendition of Frank Sinatra’s “Only Five Minutes More” to remind us to slow down and pay attention to our babies. 

“Give me five minutes more, only five minutes more. Let me stay, let me stay in your arms…” 

(Photo by Jude Keith Rose, director of  the RIE-based childcare center West Hill Educare, in Ithaca, New York)

]]> http://www.janetlansbury.com/2010/11/rie-parenting-a-culture-of-creativity/feed/ 11 http://www.janetlansbury.com/2010/09/swept-up-imagining-a-play-object-lesson/ http://www.janetlansbury.com/2010/09/swept-up-imagining-a-play-object-lesson/#comments Wed, 22 Sep 2010 19:01:13 +0000 janet http://www.janetlansbury.com/?p=2100 I know… it’s ugly. But like almost any object babies encounter, they find this mini sweeper and dustpan an intriguing tool for creative play. It is an example of the simple objects we use as ‘toys’ in our parent/toddler classes and recommend for children who are past the put-everything-in-my-mouth stage.

The beauty is that it can be used creatively in multiple ways. Sometimes children use the brush as intended and sweep the corners of the room, or experiment with the ‘mechanics’ — fitting the brush into the pan by snapping the handles together, and removing it again. In a recent class, a toddler picked up the brush, exclaimed “paint…paint!”, and then proceeded to ‘paint’ the walls. Another day a boy used it to brush his hair, and when he went to brush his mother’s she gently said, “No, thank you.”

Most of us believe we should play with our toddlers and show them how things work. But if I had demonstrated, no matter how subtly, the ‘right’ way to use the sweeper and pan, the children would probably not have been encouraged to imagine the different uses this toy could have.  As a visiting grandmother commented during our discussion, “That is exactly what we’d be doing in an actor’s improv class.”

]]> http://www.janetlansbury.com/2010/09/swept-up-imagining-a-play-object-lesson/feed/ 3