It occurred to me that my family’s favorite stories might appeal to you, too. Truth be told, this is my list. These are books I never tired of reading, which may be at least part of the reason my children enjoyed them so much as well. As my acting teacher used to say, “If you are thinking it, the audience knows it,” and there is no more sensitive, aware audience than a young child.

First Year

Like most babies, mine liked Pat the Bunny and books with photos of animals, or babies doing fun stuff with their mommies and daddies. But earlier than I expected they also appreciated a narrative (even if told only through pictures), especially humorous ones like the “Max” books or atmospheric stories like Rain Talk. And these were also more enjoyable for me to read…

1. Max’s Breakfast, Max’s Bedtime, Max’s Birthday, Max’s Toys by Rosemary Wells

2. The Owl And The Pussycat by Edward Lear, illustrated by Jan Brett

3. The Furry Bedtime Book by Margo Lundell, illustrated by David McPhail

4. Wake Up Mr. B.! by Penny Dale

5. Rain Talk by Mary Serfozo

6. Good Dog, Carl, Carl Goes Shopping and Carl’s Masquerade by Alexandra Day

Second Year And Up

I don’t believe in ever pushing or rushing a child’s cognitive development, but I discovered that by exposing my children to both spoken language and books that were a little beyond their understanding, their language skills grew in leaps and bounds. I remember reading a long time ago (wish I could remember where) that mothers intuitively know how to extend a child’s vocabulary this way, adding increasingly difficult words to the conversation. (I imagine that the new breed of hands-on fathers do, too).

If children don’t comprehend a book enough to enjoy it (or just aren’t in the mood), they clearly indicate their disinterest. Mostly, my children astonished me by enjoying books that I would have thought were way beyond them.  So, when in doubt, try it!

You’re  probably already familiar with popular classics we loved like: The Complete Tales of Winnie The Pooh (great on audio CD, too), The Little Engine That Could, Peter Rabbit, The Ugly Duckling, Madeline, Paddington Bear, Yertle the Turtle and The Lorax, to name a few.

If I had to pick one children’s author for my hall of fame, it would be Arnold Lobel.  Second and third would be Russell Hoban (especially his Francis series) and Rosemary Wells. I’ve read their books a million times and it isn’t enough. They are eloquent, silly and smart, have the quirky humor and uplifting view of life that can cheer me at the end of dreary day, make me appreciate life again. If you haven’t yet discovered these books, you’re in for a treat.

Arnold Lobel favorites include Days With Frog And Toad (great on CD, too), and all the other Frog And Toad stories, Mouse Soup, Uncle Elephant, Owl At Home, Grasshopper on the Road

Russell Hoban’s Bedtime For Francis, A Baby Sister For Francis (great for new big brothers or sisters), Bread And Jam For Francis and Best Friends For Francis.

Rosemary Wells’ The Island Light and First Tomato (From her “Voyage to the Bunny Planet” series) and her Max and Ruby picture books, Bunny Money, Bunny Cakes and Max’s Dragon Shirt

Mommy Tear-Jerkers

I never once read these books without tearing up, which disturbed my children a little at first, but eventually they got used to me. If you need a good, happy kind of cry, these magical favorites might do the trick…

1. Roxaboxen by Alice McLerran and illustrated by Barbara Cooney (an all time personal favorite that kindles my childhood memories of playing “Town”).

2. I Love You The Purplest by Barbara M. Joosse (Great for siblings. Beautifully captures the feeling of loving more than one child.)

3. The Selfish Giant by Oscar Wilde

4. The Adventures of Taxi Dog

Speaking of dogs

If you love dogs like we do, you’ll get a kick out of the Henry and Mudge series by Cynthia Rylant, especially Henry and Mudge Get the Cold Shivers and Henry and Mudge and the Wild Wind. You’ll also like the hilarious Three More Stories You Can Read To Your Dog by Sara Swan Miller.

Kid’s choices

Each child is unique, of course, and though mine all appreciated these books when they were very small, their tastes soon diverged. When I recently asked, “What first books come to mind?” the 18 year old remembered classics she first read, Go Dog Go and Are You My Mother? The 9 year old surprised me by mentioning the rather obscure Ladybug At Orchard Avenue, and the 14 year old (biggest book lover in the family) said “Auntie Claus” and also insists on holding onto the entire Berenstain Bears series (which we really do have in its entirety). Interesting that many of the books that I know where extremely special to them when they were infants and toddlers they don’t seem to remember! Locked away in their unconscious, I suppose.

My children liked these… Me, not so much.

The Amelia Bedelia series and (though I feel blasphemous saying this) a couple of the Dr. Seuss books like The Sleep Book (it’s supposed to be monotonous, right?) and One Fish Two Fish were tough reads for me. I admit to surreptitiously skipping some pages.

Last, but not least

These two books would not be great favorites, except that they are responsible for experiences that I will never forget…

Silly Tilly’s Valentine by Lillian Hoban is the first short chapter book my middle daughter read all the way through, and I can still hear the jolly lilt in her voice. She was 4 ¾, sitting on the sofa in my bedroom while I lay in bed nursing her new baby brother. He was colicky and not a sleeper. I was overwhelmed, depressed, exhausted. Her moods had been shifting between showing empathy for me (and making touching, spirited attempts to cheer me up), excitement about her new brother, anger and grief over my lack of availability for her since the baby. In the midst of all of this she had been teaching herself to read and it was with Silly Tilly that I realized, Oh my gosh, she’s really reading!

Mr. McMouse is an odd little story and not my favorite book by Leo Leoni, but my son could never get enough of it. During his second year, he asked for it at every bed and naptime. Maybe he liked it because at the end this rather lost character (Timothy) becomes a hero after saving another mouse from being killed by a cat. The triumphant conclusion: “When finally the Headmouse called Spinny and Timothy to the speaker’s stand, there was thundering applause, for by now every mouse in the castle knew their story…”

When my son was almost 2 ½, his big sisters and I went to visit friends in England for a week and left him home with his dad. It was the longest period of time that I have ever left any of my children. I’m no good at it. I remember calling my husband from the car on the way home from the airport. I was beside myself with worry about our boy’s feelings during this long separation. My husband put our son on the phone and when I said “Hi Benny!” he replied in his sweet high-pitched voice, “Every mouse in the castle!”

Do you have a favorite book to share? Funny, now that I’ve written mine down, I think I might be able to part with a few of them.              

I am a mother of a 17 month old girl and I had her do the Baby Can Read program. I did this because I struggled with reading and vocabulary in school. My daughter has been successful with the program and can read better then my nieces and nephews who are 3 and 5 years old. I am not bragging because I watch my nieces and nephews during the day and want them to succeed as well. I only let my daughter watch the videos at the most twice a day (30 minutes) and no other TV. The rest of the day she is allowed to explore play and be a toddler. Now I have been teaching her more new words on a daily basis and has learned them after two or three times after seeing and hearing the word. I think she can read close to 200 words. I don’t see what can be wrong with this? My other nephew (who is 8 months older then my daughter) throws tantrums because he can’t communicate what he wants …my daughter who has been able to develop her speech at a faster rate does not throw fits because she is able to communicate to me what she needs. I am still struggling with the idea of parents being scolded for teaching their kids how to en they are able and ready to learn? Is there any information or studies to show how this is not beneficial? So far I have not seen it…if I do in the next few years I will let you know…

First of all, I sincerely apologize if you felt I was scolding you for teaching your baby to read.  It’s clear you care passionately for your daughter, and I understand and admire your desire to help her avoid the reading difficulties you experienced as a child.  It sounds to me like she would have good communication skills for her age regardless of her ability to recognize words in print because of your attentive care and the time you spend reading and talking to her.

My point is this: Babies need to build a good base for reading comprehension through natural interactions with parents and caregivers and real experiences in the world. They need to internalize words with all their senses, like your daughter does when you tell her about the warm water and yellow washcloth you bathe her with, or acknowledge the birds, big trucks, or helicopters she hears outside. These language lessons are not the isolated words heard in videos or images on flashcards. They are in context and have relevance to your baby’s life.  When we direct a baby — eager to explore his world — to words on a page, flashcard or TV screen we are misunderstanding brain development.

I don’t judge you (or any parent) for giving children early academic instruction. We all have good intentions. Parenting is a series of difficult choices, and we’re all choosing the best we can. I do assail supposed ‘experts’ — product manufacturers and marketers — for capitalizing on a parent’s worries, misleading us with false claims, misinformation, and fabricated ‘studies’ that support their pitches.   

Yes, babies are ready and able to learn. That is one thing all the experts agree upon. The first years are a crucial period for brain development. Those who sell early learning products (that can run as much as $200) will tell you to take advantage of this precious time by using videos and flashcards to stuff babies with information (which they call ‘knowledge’), get them on a “fast track” by gaining precocious reading and math abilities before school even begins. However, other psychologists, neuropsychologists and educators warn that teaching babies to read is not only a waste of time and money, but can be detrimental to the higher level brain function a child needs to be a success in school, and even have emotional consequences.

So, to your question: where is this information that shows teaching babies to read is not beneficial? I didn’t have to dig deeply to find examples, even though these experts, researchers, and educators don’t have marketing campaigns, TV commercials or 800 numbers. Here are a few of their opinions:

Regarding the “earlier is better” myth… Early childhood educator Tonya Wright, in her insightful article “Teach Your Baby To Read???“ (on the site: Literacy Connections – Promoting Literacy And A Love Of Reading), writes, “Really…what is the rush? Do we stand a four-month old up on his feet in an effort to make him “walk”? Because surely if he walks at 4 months old, he will be the best walker in his class by the time he gets to kindergarten! Why do we have to rush children? Why do the wonders of infancy have to be punctuated with flashcards and DVDs?”

Psychologist/neuropsychologist Marsha Lucas, Ph.D., explores the threat early instruction can be to healthy cognitive development and secure attachment in “Your Baby SHOULDN’T read” (Psychology Today). ”The brains of young children aren’t yet developed enough to read without it costing them in the organization and “wiring” of their brain. The areas involved in language and reading aren’t fully online — and aren’t connected — until age seven or eight. If we’re teaching children to do tasks which their brains are not yet developed to do via the “normal” (and most efficient) pathways, the brain will stumble upon other, less efficient ways to accomplish the tasks — which lays down wiring in some funky ways — and can lead to later learning disabilities, including visual-processing deficits.”

Educator, brain researcher, reading/learning specialist Jane Healy, Ph.D., explains in her book Your Child’s Growing Mind , “Yes, even babies can be trained to recognize words. Babies, however, cannot read, tapping into a vast personal storehouse of language knowledge that takes years to build. Most preschoolers, likewise, can be trained through a stimulus-response type of teaching. The human brain can be trained to do almost anything, if the task is simplified enough and one is willing to devote the necessary time and energy. Yet the brain power – and possibly the neural connections – are stolen from the foundation of real intelligence. Reading becomes a low-level skill, and there is a danger that it will remain at the level where it was learned and practiced.

I believe that formally teaching reading to preschoolers is a serious intrusion on natural mental growth. Only a few, who spontaneously, motivated by their own curiosity, teach themselves to read because they want to find out the meaning, are true early readers. Pushing others to call out words is a grossly oversimplified version of a complex intellectual feat.  If we get children to “read” words before they have ideas, thought and language to make reading interesting, we hand them a key to the door of an unfinished garden.”

In Your Self-Confident Baby, infant expert Magda Gerber implores, “Does it ever come up later in one’s life whether a person learned to read at four, five, or six?  Learning academic skills should be saved for school-age children. Before that, let your child learn and follow his own rhythm. If you push, he loses his appetite for learning. And it’s that appetite that makes him interested and want to learn.”

I don’t believe you hindered your daughter by teaching her to read. But I do feel protective (maybe overly so) of those first years of a child’s life.  I know how hard it is not to project, to worry about every aspect of our baby’s development, rather than accept what our babies choose to do — and do naturally – as enough.  My hope for all of us is to find a way to slow down and enjoy the present, relax, trust nature, our children and ourselves. 

For more, please read the articles and books linked to (above) and my other posts on this subject: “Your Baby Can Read” Costs Too Much and Baby Einstein Is No Genius.

(Photo by antisocialtory, on Flickr.)

Learning programs for infants and toddlers like “Your Baby Can Read” are aggressively marketed to new parents and appeal to our most sincere instincts – to do what is best for our children and give them every advantage in life. The children in the promotional videos look so happy to be reading words (words that some cannot even speak yet!), and their parents are so proud. We naturally wonder, “Those people are teaching their toddlers to read? Am I failing my child? Will she fall behind before she even starts kindergarten?”

Parents can relax. Early learning gimmicks have been recycled for years, yet not one has ever been scientifically proven to enhance a child’s learning abilities (or increase intelligence, for that matter.) The reality is that we harm our children when we control and push forward their development, rather than facilitating and letting it happen. Infants and toddlers need time to follow their natural curiosity and interests, which can only happen when they are engaged in uninterrupted, self-directed play. So, when we give a baby reading lessons — or any kind of instruction — that child pays a steep price. She is deprived of the vastly more important, age-appropriate activities that prepare a foundation for true reading comprehension and for the higher levels of brain function in the future.

We all are born with an innate desire to explore, experiment and discover. Babies will find cognitive learning opportunities in the simplest environments as they work to make sense of the world. They are eager to spend time imagining, reasoning, developing formulas and testing them. Why does the ball roll more quickly on the wooden floor than it does on the rug? What makes the clouds move? Does the plastic ring fit around this bottle top? These kinds of early experiences ignite the neural pathways that lead to a strong and active mind.

So, why are we so ready to interrupt and squander this time — this precious window of accelerated development in our child’s life — by showing him a flash card that directs him to clap like a performing seal? We are certainly not helping him to develop his intellectual potential, and the ‘head start’ we imagine will quickly disappear by second or third grade.

We need dreamers, big-picture thinkers and creative problem-solvers to inherit our world, not machines programmed to memorize and mimic.

Furthermore, while a program like “Your Baby Can Read“ may train a baby to recognize words, it cannot teach him to comprehend more than the most basic ones. A child is not ready to learn letters, numbers or words when he has not had the opportunity to build a sensory foundation for what these symbols represent. “Reading comprehension is built on mental networks formed throughout childhood from real experiences with the world,” writes educator and brain researcher Jane Healey, PH.D., in her book, Your Child’s Growing Mind.

The mechanics of reading are not difficult for the average child to learn when he is ready to do so. Reading comes easily, but only when the timing is right, and children who are naturally interested in reading at an early age will teach themselves. One of my three children became a self-taught reader when she was four years old. Her desire to read was a wildfire that could not be contained. She still loves books, creative writing and the literature camp she has chosen to attend the last three summers. Reading is one of her personal passions, not something she does because it pleases her parents.

And our babies are driven to please their caregivers. Their basic survival depends upon our acceptance of them. We should use this power wisely and not abuse it. When we teach a baby something he is not choosing to learn on his own, we put him on course to ignore intrinsic motivation in favor of performing for others — namely us. The child distances himself further and further from his unique goals and passions. We must give our child unconditional acceptance and respond with the same amount of approval for all her accomplishments, big and small, to encourage her continued authenticity.

“When we instruct children in academic subjects at too early an age, we miseducate them; we put them at risk for short-term stress and long-term personality damage for no useful purpose. There is no evidence that such early instruction has lasting benefits, and considerable evidence that it can do lasting harm,” warns Dr. David Elkind in Miseducation.

As I sadly watched the testimonials from parents on the “Your Baby Can Read” site, I couldn’t help but wonder about the videos I wasn’t seeing: the ones where the children suddenly wake up years later and realize that their entire lives have been motivated by the need to please loved ones.

Then there are the children who do not succeed with the “Your Baby Can Read” program. They have disappointed their parents and find no joy in learning. Instead of learning naturally and joyously through play, they equate education with tension and failure…and they are only 3 years old.

Lastly, and most tragically, a baby who reads because it makes his parents happy is receiving the message — in his most important, intimate relationships — that his value is based on performance and accomplishments. The children I observed in the “Your Baby Can Read” videos were ecstatically soaking up the positive attention they were getting for being precocious readers. They seemed thrilled by the pride their parents exhibited. Do these parents respond enthusiastically when the child paints with water on the driveway? Do they show pride when the child buries his feet in the sand? Do they enjoy him when he picks up a ladybug or splashes in a mud puddle? The child can only wonder if he would be as appreciated and loved if he did not perform for his parents. His mud pies and skinned knees might not be enough.

When I heard this story, two different ideas occurred to me. The first was that Ella was an active infant, who seemed to be working assiduously on her gross motor skills. She was a baby on the move who might not want to sit still for long, even when presented with a warm lap and bright pictures on cardboard. This behavior is well within the range of normal and, in a sense, much easier to understand than a ten-month-old sitting still to look at pictures when the tactile world is at her feet.

The second thought was that Ella might be absorbing some of her mother’s anxiety. Sarah, Ella’s mother, is a writer, an expressive, open woman who candidly shares her worries in class. One of her worries was that Ella would never enjoy books, and that she might never learn to read or appreciate language the way her mother did. Sarah’s projection of her own anxiety regarding her daughter’s future literacy may have made it impossible for Ella to settle comfortably into a book.

A few weeks later, Sarah excitedly shared a realization. Sarah suddenly understood that Ella, who had been making one-and-two-syllable ‘baby sounds’ for quite awhile was attempting to communicate with each and every utterance. Each of Ella’s vocalizations actually meant something. Ella may not have been interested in books, but she was demonstrating an early ability to express herself with words.

Sarah’s story illustrates a common worry among parents: namely, the usually unfounded fear that a child will not develop normal language skills. Recalling the fact that Einstein did not speak until he was three years old seldom brings comfort when a parent is nervous about a toddler’s abilities to speak, read, write and go to college. But, just as parents can trust a normal child to begin crawling and walking when he is ready, they can also trust a child’s unique developmental timetable when it involves language. Unless there is a problem with hearing or sight (or a  neurodevelopmental disorder like autism), children will speak and read when they are ready to speak and read. Before that time, they are internalizing the language models in their environment. Learning disorders, like dyslexia, are occasionally discovered in a child’s early school years and are best addressed at that time.

Here are some ways to encourage a child’s language development.

Talk to your infant.   Parents should open the door to communication with their child from their first days together. Telling a newborn we are picking her up before we do it; talking an infant through a diaper change and giving time for her to respond; sharing each step out loud to a baby as we put her to bed: these open, early communications will help an infant begin to internalize language.

Talking slowly, but naturally, in short sentences about the events that a child is directly involved in will create a much greater impact than, say, pointing to a random object and naming it. When an infant is asked to help put his arm through a sleeve, he is not only being treated with respect, he is also hearing words that are pertinent and meaningful to him. Most importantly, he learns that communication is a two-way street and that his participation is desired.

Model.  We want our children to learn our language. So, it is helpful (and feels more natural) to speak to an infant in our normal voice, trusting that we can be our authentic selves with our child and do not need to talk ‘down’ to him.

Try to understand.  When our child begins to vocalize we can encourage him by working to understand what he is saying. If we cannot figure it out, we can honestly admit, “I’m trying to understand, but I don’t know what you’re saying.” The child appreciates our attempt to understand and the words and tone encourage him to keep trying to express himself. When we do understand a word, we can respond by modeling the use of the word in a complete sentence. For example, if our baby says “ball,” then we might respond, “Ball? You see the ball in that basket?”

Let a baby stand uncorrected.  It is important to refrain from correcting toddlers when they begin talking. If a toddler calls a stuffed bear a “dog,” we can encourage the child to continue speaking by responding, “That looks like a dog to you,” rather than saying, “No, that’s not a dog, it’s a bear.” A child will learn to differentiate between dogs and bears soon enough.

In the book, Learning All the Time, author and educator John Holt explains why children’s early language mistakes should be left alone. Asks Holt, “If you were just learning, in a foreign country, to speak a foreign language, how would you feel if everyone around you corrected every error you made?” Holt observes that the vast majority of people would be intimidated by such hyper criticism. The ordinary person “would wind up saying little or nothing—like a man I know who after six or seven winters in Mexico, cannot speak twenty words of Spanish because he can’t bring himself to say anything unless he is sure he is right.”

Sharing books and stories. Make reading time pleasant and relaxing by letting go of any agenda and following your baby’s lead.  Allow him to turn pages, look at books upside down or backwards if he chooses to, stay as long as he wishes on a particular page, and let you know when he’s finished. 

Tell stories! Even when babies are impatient with books, they will often enjoy listening to a parent or grandparent tell a story (and they don’t mind hearing lame ones…believe me).

After several weeks in class learning from Sarah and Ella’s experience, I was gratified when Julie, another mom in the class, shared an anecdote.  On a recent afternoon, Julie took her three-year-old niece for a walk around the neighborhood. The little girl picked up an acorn off the sidewalk and held it out for her aunt to look at. “Look! A street shell!” she exclaimed. Julie proudly reported that she held her tongue and did not correct her niece’s description of the acorn. By doing so, Julie allowed the child to revel in her discovery, thereby encouraging her niece to go forward boldly and experiment further with the beauty of language.