Discipline

Dealing With Diaper Changing Disasters

Dear Janet,   I stumbled upon your website a few weeks ago and have been slowly reading my way through the articles (which I love!). I appreciate your guidance and your gentle and respectful approach to parenting. I am a single mom to a 14-month old baby boy, Aidan. While he is a delight 99.99% of the time, he is now starting to test his boundaries and check out his (and my!) limits during diaper changes. He...

Going Against A Toddler’s Will (A Tough Pill To Swallow)

Hi Janet, I wrote to you last fall with a question about my then-1-year-old and our issues with bath time. Your advice was great, and we got over that hurdle, but I’m hoping you can share your experience and insight with me in another area. My daughter is now close to 2 and a half, and a daily vitamin has always been a part of our routine without any problems. For the past few months, she refuses to take the...

Gentle Discipline In Action (Seeing Is Believing)

Do toddlers like to learn rules and follow directions? Are they capable of restraint, making decisions, self-discipline, patience, even unsolicited acts of kindness? Seeing is believing. In this brief video, not just one, but five extraordinary 14 to 18 month old toddlers demonstrate these things and more… (No actors were hired!) This is the first few minutes of snack time (traditionally consisting of bananas and...

What To Do When Toddlers Say NO

Hi Janet, I am at a bit of a loss as to how to move forward with my son. He is 26 months and has recently started saying ‘no’ to all of my requests, regardless of what they are. My husband and I try very hard to pose our responses positively, avoiding ‘no’ as much as possible.  Rather than ‘no throwing food’, we would say ‘please leave your food on your plate’. So, we...

How To Be The Gentle Leader Your Child Needs

A frustrated, exhausted mom wants to treat her 3 year old more gently and less punitively. Ironically, the way to do that may be to become a stronger leader. The freedom we all feel deep within ourselves comes once we understand where we stand in the scheme of things – Magda Gerber Janet, On a day when I felt like I have failed as a parent, I found your blog. I have read and read and read — article and...

5 Reasons Toddlers Don’t Need ‘Redirection’ (And What To Do Instead)

Redirection is a popular tactic for dealing with a toddler’s undesirable behavior. Its appeal is understandable, because it’s about aiming a child to another activity rather than confronting an issue directly and setting a limit. It helps us dodge the bullet of our child’s resistance, which might include anger, tears or a total meltdown (and we’re all eager to avoid those things, especially in...

Should We Share Our Feelings With Babies?

This provocative question came up in a parents’ discussion I led recently at the RIE Center about establishing healthy boundaries. I was responding to a mom’s query about dealing with her toddler son pulling her hair. I encouraged her to try to stay calm while she kindly, but definitively stopped him. I suggested she take his hand away or put him down and say something simple like, “I won’t let you pull my...

Breaking An Abusive Cycle Through AP And RIE (Guest Post by Suchada from Mama Eve)

Please, don’t let them grow up like me…  I have three vivid memories of growing up: The first is of my mother when I was five or six years old. I was getting ready for school and had difficulty putting my shoes on the correct feet (being slightly dyslexic), and my mother went ballistic. She hit me, over and over, all while yelling at me how stupid I was for not having it figured out by now. The second...