Comments on: This May Hurt (Baby’s Doctor Visits)

By: MadameHilmar

MadameHilmar — Mon, 31 Jan 2011 13:01:11 +0000

I totally agree.
I remember being at the pediatrician for a regular check up and a mother told her 2 or 3 year old toddler “Look that boy didn’t cry so you won’t have to either!” and my husband and I were looking at each other realising that this was not the awkward situation we would want to put our son in. Why not cry when it hurts ? It’s much better to take when you know it’s going to happen though so this is what I keep telling my son also before we leave the house.
We have had several experiences with the docs and most of the times I had to play the moderator myself while the docs or nurses were busy doing their thing AND placing mobiles or funny toys above our son’s head. They think the kids are not capable of understanding but instead they are just making big fools out of themselves.

By: janet

janet — Sat, 29 Jan 2011 23:57:31 +0000

Thank you, Barbara. I don’t seem to have had any affect on that doctor’s way with children over the years, but he’s such an excellent physician that I keep coming back. I’ve actually met some very respectful physicians also, and they really stand out. There’s one in particular at our local urgent care. And our dentist has a wonderful rapport with children, never, ever talks down to them.

By: janet

janet — Sat, 29 Jan 2011 23:45:16 +0000

Briana, thank for your wonderful illustration of the power of preparation and honesty. Yes, it certainly is trust-building!

By: Barbara

Barbara — Sat, 29 Jan 2011 22:04:01 +0000

Physicians are so clueless…;) Well, many are. You did some good teaching on that day, Janet.

By: Briana

Briana — Sat, 29 Jan 2011 21:20:20 +0000

I have always done the same with my kids. When I took my son for his flu shot and final vaccinations, I didn’t make a big deal of it, but before he actually got to the shot I explained what would happen and that it would pinch a little but he would feel better soon after. At the flu clinic he was the only kid who didn’t howl when he got the shot, and when he got his final vaccinations, although he teared up a bit (there was more than one shot after all), he was cooperative and fine. I feel like it’s an important trust-building step for kids. The last time he had to go to the doctor he cried because he didn’t want to go, but instead of distracting him or promising a treat, I talked to him about what was going to happen and discovered the upset was because he was worried he had to have more shots. Once he learned that was actually going to happen, he calmed down and was fine. My doctor is also from the school of distraction, but I just step in and narrate what’s happening so that my kids know what to expect.

By: janet

janet — Mon, 26 Jul 2010 19:29:32 +0000

Hi Jill,
Hmmm…that’s interesting! My first thought is that without meaning to, you might be overdoing it a bit. Our children are extremely sensitive, not only to what we say and do, but also (and maybe even more so) to our “subtext”. Your daughter may be picking up the fact that you do not expect her to enjoy these situations, so you are talking and singing to get her excited about them. It sounds like you might be trying too hard to make everything sound fun, rather than just calmly explaining what will happen in a new situation, the way you would to another adult. I could see this creating a little bit of fear… she wants to join in your enthusiasm, but then she’s thinking, “Why is my mom trying so hard to make this sound good? It must be something really unpleasant. ” If you are feeling at all apprehensive, or nervous about the situation, that can be worrisome to your daughter, too.

Jill, please keep in mind that I could be way off on this!

It always helps me to check myself, “Would I speak this way to another adult?” I have also learned that our children are so much smarter and more perceptive than we imagine them to be!

Thanks for sharing your situation and please keep me posted!

By: Jill

Jill — Mon, 26 Jul 2010 18:44:22 +0000

This post is interesting to me because I completely agree and I have related to my daughter in this way ever since she was born. However it hasn’t worked! She seams fine, interested and eager about the experiences we talk about before hand (i.e. doctor visits, hair cut). We got through the whole thing and on the way in the car I sing about it (but I also don’t try to overdo it). The minute she gets in the chair or the doctor comes in she is hysterical. I can’t understand this. I was rather disappointed when her doctor was annoyed by her 3 year checkup – says he wouldn’t expect that kind of a temper tantrum from 3 year old. I would not have called it a temper tantrum and I tried to support her lovingly. I’m still searching for how to help her with these interactions with people (other interactions such as adults at the park or babysitters are fine).

By: Thaddeus Vollmering

Thaddeus Vollmering — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 18:11:24 +0000

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By: Grace

Grace — Sat, 30 Jan 2010 03:56:46 +0000

Come to think of it, my kids’ doctor does the same thing — ‘there’s a carrot in your ear!’… ‘look at the birdie!’… It’s really kind of embarrassing, but I guess the doc’s got his routine, so….

- Grace

By: Ed Stagg

Ed Stagg — Tue, 26 Jan 2010 14:47:55 +0000

I totally agree Janet. I always wanted my son to trust me and I knew that as soon as I lied to him that trust would be broken. I had my own tricks to help him through things, but I never told him “it wouldn’t” when I knew “it would.” It does pay off just as you say.

My son learned not everything is pleasant in life, but that knowledge never disengaged him from it. Growing up ADHD it was important for him to know in advance what was coming, good, bad or indifferent. And knowing may it easier for him, never harder. His mind never had to imagine horrible excruciating things beyond his comprehension because he knew whatever it was, would be more or less what we told him. And that honesty both prepared him and got him through it. After all, a sting is only a sting, not the end of the world.

Great article, thanks.