Comments on: This May Hurt (Baby’s Doctor Visits)

By: janet

janet — Mon, 26 Jul 2010 19:29:32 +0000

Hi Jill,
Hmmm…that’s interesting! My first thought is that without meaning to, you might be overdoing it a bit. Our children are extremely sensitive, not only to what we say and do, but also (and maybe even more so) to our “subtext”. Your daughter may be picking up the fact that you do not expect her to enjoy these situations, so you are talking and singing to get her excited about them. It sounds like you might be trying too hard to make everything sound fun, rather than just calmly explaining what will happen in a new situation, the way you would to another adult. I could see this creating a little bit of fear… she wants to join in your enthusiasm, but then she’s thinking, “Why is my mom trying so hard to make this sound good? It must be something really unpleasant. ” If you are feeling at all apprehensive, or nervous about the situation, that can be worrisome to your daughter, too.

Jill, please keep in mind that I could be way off on this!

It always helps me to check myself, “Would I speak this way to another adult?” I have also learned that our children are so much smarter and more perceptive than we imagine them to be!

Thanks for sharing your situation and please keep me posted!

By: Jill

Jill — Mon, 26 Jul 2010 18:44:22 +0000

This post is interesting to me because I completely agree and I have related to my daughter in this way ever since she was born. However it hasn’t worked! She seams fine, interested and eager about the experiences we talk about before hand (i.e. doctor visits, hair cut). We got through the whole thing and on the way in the car I sing about it (but I also don’t try to overdo it). The minute she gets in the chair or the doctor comes in she is hysterical. I can’t understand this. I was rather disappointed when her doctor was annoyed by her 3 year checkup – says he wouldn’t expect that kind of a temper tantrum from 3 year old. I would not have called it a temper tantrum and I tried to support her lovingly. I’m still searching for how to help her with these interactions with people (other interactions such as adults at the park or babysitters are fine).

By: Thaddeus Vollmering

Thaddeus Vollmering — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 18:11:24 +0000

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By: Grace

Grace — Sat, 30 Jan 2010 03:56:46 +0000

Come to think of it, my kids’ doctor does the same thing — ‘there’s a carrot in your ear!’… ‘look at the birdie!’… It’s really kind of embarrassing, but I guess the doc’s got his routine, so….

- Grace

By: Ed Stagg

Ed Stagg — Tue, 26 Jan 2010 14:47:55 +0000

I totally agree Janet. I always wanted my son to trust me and I knew that as soon as I lied to him that trust would be broken. I had my own tricks to help him through things, but I never told him “it wouldn’t” when I knew “it would.” It does pay off just as you say.

My son learned not everything is pleasant in life, but that knowledge never disengaged him from it. Growing up ADHD it was important for him to know in advance what was coming, good, bad or indifferent. And knowing may it easier for him, never harder. His mind never had to imagine horrible excruciating things beyond his comprehension because he knew whatever it was, would be more or less what we told him. And that honesty both prepared him and got him through it. After all, a sting is only a sting, not the end of the world.

Great article, thanks.